The Shepherds: I'll Stand By You
by xxLittle Black Dressxx
Summary: Third in The Shepherd series. When the unthinkable happens, Addison and Derek need each other, their children, and their friends like never before. Main couple: Addison/Derek. Other couples: Izzie/Alex; Mark/Lexie. Sensitive subject matter: deals with sexual abuse.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Happy 2014! I figured I'd start off the New Year with a third story for The Shepherds series. I guess I'm still not quite ready to let this fictional family go. This story is really different from anything I've ever written. I've already written several chapters of this story, but I've been holding off on posting because I knew that this story was going to be dark, and I wanted to make sure that I could write dark. This story will eventually be rated M (I'll bump the rating at chapter 3), but I want to warn you ahead of time that the subject matter becomes sensitive.

You don't need to read my other two Shepherd stories to keep up with what's going on in this one, although I'd never discourage you from doing so. :) For those of you who have read the other two stories, this story takes place shortly after the epilogue of The Life We've Made.

I hope you like this story, and thank you so much for reading!

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**The Shepherds: I'll Stand By You**

_Won't let nobody hurt you.  
__I'll stand by you._

"You look like you're in a hurry," Alex noted, as he and Addison scrubbed out together.

"I am," Addison nodded. "Derek and I are interviewing babysitters, and we're meeting one of the candidates this afternoon."

"Oh," Alex nodded. "How's that going?"

"So far, pretty terribly," Addison admitted. "We interviewed a few people last week. But none of them felt right. Derek's pretty optimistic about the woman we're interviewing today, though."

"Why's that?" Alex asked.

"She's pre-med," Addison explained. "Derek has a soft spot for anyone who's interested in medicine…even if she's in college."

"You and Derek are okay with having a college student baby-sit your kids?" Alex asked in confusion. That didn't sound like Addison and Derek.

Addison shook her head. "I'm not. But Derek spoke to her over the phone, and said she sounds very mature for nineteen. But I'm going to need some more convincing."

Alex nodded.

"Anyway," Addison sighed, "I should probably get home so that Derek and I can interview…uh…um…"

"Don't tell me you forgot her name," Alex laughed.

"No, I remember," Addison insisted, desperately wracking her brain, trying to remember the young woman's name. "Heather…I think. Or maybe Hailey. I don't know," she admitted. "Something with an H."

Alex chuckled. "You should probably figure it out before you meet her," he teased. "And I'll be waiting for an update on whatever-her-name-is tomorrow," he added with a smirk.

"Don't bother," Addison laughed. "I can already tell you how it's going to play out. There's no way I'm letting a child baby-sit my children."

"Hey, I hear you," Alex agreed, as he thought about his own son and his daughter on the way. "But Derek seems to like her, so at least give her a chance."

"I will," Addison conceded reluctantly. "But just a small chance."

xxxxx

When Addison arrived home, Derek was already sitting on the living room couch; and the H-named babysitter that they were interviewing was sitting on another couch, across from him. From where Addison was standing, she could only see the young woman from the back, and she seemed inoffensive enough – purple collared shirt, trim build, shoulder-length dirty blonde hair.

"Addison," Derek smiled, rising from the couch to greet his wife. "This is Hannah Klein."

"Hi, Hannah," Addison smiled, reaching out and shaking the young woman's hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you. So," she continued, as she and Derek sat down on the couch together. "What did I miss?"

"Not much," Derek answered. "Hannah was just saying that she's going to be a sophomore at the University of Washington, and that she's pre-med."

"Oh," Addison nodded, smiling at Hannah warmly; and as she did, she couldn't help noticing that there was something familiar about Hannah's brown eyes.

"Anyway," Derek went on, cutting into Addison's thoughts. "I was just telling Hannah that we have three kids."

"That's right," Addison smiled. "We have a daughter, Willa, who's seven. And we have twins, Carter and Colette. They're three-and-a-half. We'd mostly need you to just watch Willa after school," Addison explained. "We'll bring Carter and Colette back to the hospital daycare after they get out of nursery school. But Willa's starting second grade, and she's going to have homework. So we want her to have a quiet place to get it done…and that's definitely not the hospital daycare."

"But there might be a few nights every couple of months, when Addison and I both have to work late, where we'd ask you to watch all three kids," Derek added. "Those nights are few and far between, but we want to make sure that you feel comfortable taking care of all three of them."

"It shouldn't be a problem," Hannah smiled. "I've been babysitting for as long as I can remember. I'm fine with watching three kids."

"It sounds like you spent a lot of time babysitting younger siblings," Addison assessed, as she continued to marvel at how oddly familiar Hannah looked.

Hannah shook her head. "I'm actually an only child," she admitted. "I always wanted siblings…and I think my parents didn't plan on me being an only child. But, uh, when I was little, I got sick. I spent a lot of time in the hospital. And I guess that kind of put any plans my parents had of adopting another child on hold."

"Adopting another child?" Derek asked curiously.

"I'm adopted," Hannah explained. "But, yeah," she went on. "Not growing up with siblings, and being so sick as a kid…it's made me want to work with children. I eventually want to go into pediatrics."

Addison watched her husband nod his head in approval, as all the thoughts and questions that had been running through her mind began to click into place. She suddenly knew why Hannah's eyes looked so familiar. They were Izzie's eyes. Hannah was Izzie's daughter. It all checked out. The name, the age, the eyes, the childhood illness. And Derek was completely oblivious.

"Well, Hannah," Derek smiled. "Your resume looks good, and it seems like you're great with kids. Would you like to meet our children?"

"I'd love to," Hannah grinned.

"Okay," Derek nodded, as he went upstairs to get Willa, Carter, and Colette, leaving Addison alone with Hannah.

Addison ran a hand through her hair, doing her best to keep herself composed. Normally, she was great at making small talk. But normally she wasn't making small talk with the daughter that one of her very best friends had given up for adoption over nineteen years ago.

"So," Addison stammered, doing her best to pretend that Hannah was just a normal person with absolutely no ties to Izzie whatsoever. "Have you started thinking about which field of medicine you want to specialize in?"

"Uh, yeah," Hannah nodded. "I really want to go into pediatrics."

"Right," Addison chuckled in embarrassment. "You mentioned that already, didn't you?" She wracked her brain, desperately trying to come up with something – anything – else to talk to Hannah about, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Derek returning to the living room with Willa, Carter, and Colette.

"Mommy!" Willa grinned, racing ahead of Derek so that she could give her mother a hug hello.

"Hi, Willa," Addison smiled, as she hugged her daughter tightly.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Carter and Colette piped up in unison, vying for their mother's attention. And Addison smiled, as she pressed a kiss to her son and daughter's temples.

"Willa…Carter…Colette," Addison began, as Willa sat down on the couch next to her, while Carter and Colette both climbed onto Derek's lap. "This is Hannah." She turned to Hannah. "This is Willa, Carter, and Colette," she smiled, gesturing towards each child in turn.

"Hi," Hannah smiled. "It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too," Willa smiled back. "I'm seven," Willa informed Hannah.

"And I'm three," Carter chimed in.

"Three-and-a-half," Colette corrected quietly – so quietly that only Derek could hear her.

Derek chuckled and pressed a kiss to Colette's temple, smiling as he watched Carter hop off his lap and make his way over to where Hannah was sitting.

"I wanna sit on your lap," Carter told Hannah, giving her his most charming smile. And Addison and Derek couldn't help exchanging an amused grin over that; their son would have no problem in the dating and flirting department.

"Hannah, do you like nail polish?" Willa asked, as Hannah settled Carter on her lap.

"I do like nail polish," Hannah nodded.

"I do too," Willa smiled. "And so do Mommy and Colette."

"I don't," Carter said flatly.

"Mommy took me and Colette to get our nails done yesterday," Willa continued, ignoring Carter's comment. "Because tomorrow's the first day of school, and we want to have pretty nails."

"That's sounds fun," Hannah grinned.

"I didn't go," Carter piped up. "'Cause I'm a boy, and I don't like nail polish."

"Oh," Hannah chuckled, fairly certain that she was already starting to fall in love with the Shepherd family.

Derek couldn't help smiling as he watched how easily Willa and Carter interacted with Hannah. How comfortable they felt with her. And he felt his smile grow even wider when Colette climbed down off his lap, and walked over to Hannah.

"Wanna see my nails?" the little girl asked Hannah tentatively, as she held out her tiny hands.

"Very pretty," Hannah complimented, admiring Colette's pale pink fingernails.

"Thank you," Colette beamed.

Derek smiled widely, sensing that Colette was warming up to Hannah. Truth be told, he had liked Hannah instantly. And he had a feeling that, like him, Willa and Carter would also like Hannah right away. But Colette was more discerning than her siblings. She always had been. As a baby, she was very particular about who she wanted to hold her (usually only him and Addison). And even today, it still took Colette a longer time to warm up to people and get used to them than it did for Willa and Carter, who both pretty much liked anyone and everyone. But Colette seemed to like Hannah, and that made Derek like Hannah even more.

He met his wife's eyes and smiled. "I think she's the one," he mouthed to Addison.

But Addison was hesitant. Hannah seemed great. In all honesty, she seemed perfect. But she was Izzie's daughter. And Addison knew she couldn't just hire Hannah behind Izzie's back.

She bit her lip in thought before meeting Derek's eyes again. He shot her a questioning glance, silently asking her for her opinion about Hannah.

"Later," she mouthed, doing her best to be discrete. "We need to talk about this later."

xxxxx

"I can't believe you didn't like Hannah," Derek said, as he and Addison got ready for bed, later that night.

"It' not that I didn't like her, Honey," Addison defended. "It's just…"

"She's great with the kids," Derek cut in. "Even Colette seemed comfortable with her."

"She's very good with the kids," Addison agreed, as she climbed into bed next to her husband. "It's just…doesn't she look familiar to you?"

"I don't know. Not really," Derek shrugged. "Should she?"

Addison sighed. "I don't know. She kind of looks like someone…like one of your closest friends."

"Well, you're my best friend, Addie," Derek said easily.

"Which is sweet," Addison smiled, leaning in and kissing her husband tenderly. "But I was talking about one of _our_ closest friends."

"Well, Mark, obviously," Derek reasoned. "Wait, are you saying…do you think Mark has some teenage daughter we all don't know about?"

"Derek, don't be ridiculous," Addison chuckled.

"Well, it's not entirely ridiculous," Derek defended. "The man had a lot of sex before he settled down with Lexie."

"I'm not talking about Mark, Derek," Addison laughed, before quickly growing serious again. She met her husband's eyes. "Hannah looks like Izzie."

"Oh my god," Derek breathed, as Addison's words sunk in; and he wondered how in the world he hadn't realized it on his own. "She looks exactly like Izzie," Derek agreed. "And her name; and her back story…it's the same as Izzie's daughter's back story. How did I not make that connection?"

"I don't know," Addison admitted. "It was painfully obvious to me."

"So, what do we do now?" Derek asked.

"We can't hire her, Derek."

"Why not, Addison? She's perfect."

"What would we say to Izzie?" Addison asked. "How would we justify this to her?"

"Well, how would we justify _not_ hiring Izzie's daughter?" Derek countered. "What kind of friends would that make us?"

"Derek," Addison chuckled. "Be serious."

"I am being serious," Derek insisted. "Hannah's great, and I don't think we should pass her up. Besides," he continued, "now that we know Hannah's in Seattle, shouldn't we tell Izzie anyway?"

Addison bit her lip in thought, as she contemplated her husband's question. "I guess you're right," she admitted after a moment. "Do you think she'll want to meet Hannah?"

"I don't know," Derek confessed. "I'd imagine she would. But I don't know."

Addison sighed. "Well, I guess we should tell Izzie sooner rather than later. If you're serious about hiring Hannah to watch the kids, we need to make sure that we sort everything with Izzie out first."

"So, you're saying you want to hire Hannah?" Derek asked his wife with a smirk.

Addison chuckled before kissing her husband chastely. "I'm saying I'll think about it."

xxxxx

"When can me and Colette go to school on the bus, like Willa?" Carter asked his parents.

Derek chuckled. "You can take the bus to school when you start kindergarten," he promised.

"Oh," Carter nodded. "I really wanna go on a school bus."

Addison swallowed hard as she listened to her husband and son's conversation. It was the twins' first day of nursery school, and she was having a hard time coming to grips with how quickly Carter and Colette were growing up. And Carter's talk of wanting to go to kindergarten certainly wasn't helping things.

Colette looked up at her mother, her pale, blue-green eyes wide with fear. "Don't wanna go to school," she admitted. "I wanna play with Wyatt at daycare."

Addison knelt down to Colette's level, and pressed a kiss to her temple. "You're going to have so much fun in school," she reassured her daughter. "And then when school's over, you can come back to the hospital daycare and play with Wyatt. How does that sound?"

"Good," Colette said quietly. "I guess."

Addison looked up at Derek, who was smiling at her and Colette, his eyes crinkling around the corners as he watched his wife and daughter together.

"We should probably start heading out," he told Addison gently.

Addison looked around the room and, sure enough, all the other parents were saying their goodbyes.

"Okay," she nodded, as Derek went to hug Carter goodbye. Addison turned to Colette, and gave her daughter a wide smile. "Have fun today, Colette," she said, hugging her daughter tightly, doing her best to fight the tears that were stinging her eyes.

"Miss you already," Colette whispered, bravely holding back unshed tears.

"I miss you already too," Addison smiled, still holding her daughter close.

After a moment, she reluctantly let go of her daughter, and went to hug her son goodbye.

"Don't worry, Mommy," Carter reassured Addison. "I like school already."

Addison laughed as she held hugged her son tightly. "Have fun, okay?"

"I will," Carter grinned, as Addison reluctantly let go of him. He turned to his sister, who was still hugging Derek. "Come on, Colette," he encouraged. "Let's go play."

Colette looked at Carter hesitantly, but he grabbed her little hand confidently. And, hand in hand, they walked away from their parents, towards the other children and their nursery school teacher.

Derek wrapped his arms around his wife, as the two of them watched Carter and Colette embark on this new phase of their life.

"I'm glad they have each other," Addison admitted, still not looking away from her twins, unshed tears blurring her vision.

"Me too," Derek agreed, as he continued to watch Carter and Colette, who were still holding onto each other's hand. "And I know I say it all the time," he chuckled. "But we really do have the best kids."

xxxxx

"Interesting case?" Mark asked, peering over Derek's shoulder to get a glance at chart that his friend was studying so intently.

"What?" Derek asked in surprise. "I, uh, yeah, yeah. Very interesting."

"Well, it would have to be," Mark chuckled. "That case is several years old. And it's pediatrics."

"I, uh, I was just looking for something," Derek told his friend vaguely. He knew he couldn't tell Mark the truth – that he was looking at Hannah's file from several years ago. Deep down, he and Addison knew that the Hannah they had interviewed yesterday was Izzie's Hannah. But they wanted to be one-hundred percent certain before they said anything to Izzie, so Derek had decided to look up her file just to be sure. And, unsurprisingly, everything checked out.

"So," Derek said, casting Hannah's chart aside, and changing the topic of conversation. "How's Lexie?"

"She's good," Mark grinned. "We're really enjoying the second trimester."

Derek chuckled. "I…I'm glad to hear that, I guess."

Mark smiled at his friend good-naturedly before growing serious. "How did the kids' first day of school sendoffs go?"

Derek sighed. "Willa was easy. Carter couldn't wait for us to leave. Colette was a little scared."

"How is Addison handling it all?" Mark asked thinking back to Willa's first day of nursery school, and remembering what a bittersweet day it had been for Addison.

"She's okay," Derek smiled. "I think it's easier with the twins, because she knows they have each other."

"So, do you feel old?" Mark asked. "You know, now that all of your kids are in school."

"Shut up, Mark," Derek laughed. "We're the same age. If I'm old, you're old."

"I know," Mark chuckled. "But sometimes it's hard to believe that Willa's already seven. I mean, it seems like just yesterday she was in diapers."

Derek nodded in agreement, as he thought about his little girl. He remembered her being Carter and Colette's age so clearly; and now suddenly, she was starting second grade.

He was about to respond when Addison poked her head into his office.

"Hey," she said, smiling at both Derek and Mark. "Am I interrupting something?"

Derek shook his head. "Not at all."

Addison nodded. "Did you get a chance to take a look at that file I was telling you about?" she asked her husband vaguely.

"I did," Derek confirmed. "And we were right."

"Yeah," Addison nodded. "I thought so. In that case, I have everything all set up in my office. So, we should probably start heading over there."

"Okay," Derek agreed.

"You know," Mark cut in, "if the two of you want to have sex, you don't have to put on this big, elaborate charade about some fake case. I get it."

"Mark," Derek scolded. "That's not what this is about."

"Sure it is," Mark insisted. "You're both obviously feeling a little vulnerable since all three of your kids are in school now. So you're sneaking off to have sex at work because…well…it's rebellious and hot, and something that parents of school-aged kids don't typically do. Say no more, I get it. And I'm not judging."

"First of all, Carter and Colette are in pre-school," Derek defended. "I'd hardly say that makes them school-aged. Secondly, we're not-"

"Honey," Addison cut in, taking Derek's hand and interlacing his fingers with hers, "we really should deal with that case."

"Okay," Derek nodded, as he, Addison, and Mark made their way out of his office. "You're right."

"I'll see you two later," Mark smirked, shooting the Shepherds a playful wink. "And, oh, yeah," he chuckled. "Good luck with that case."

xxxxx

"Is everything okay?" Izzie asked in concern, as she and Alex sat down across from Addison and Derek at the desk in Addison's office.

"Everything's fine," Addison nodded.

"You're lying," Alex insisted. "You're giving us that look that you give to patients when you're about to give them bad news."

"I," Addison hesitated. "It's not bad news."

"It's about our daughter, isn't it?" Izzie asked in concern.

Derek's eyes widened in astonishment; "How did you-"

"Derek," Addison interrupted, cutting her husband off with a firm headshake. She met her husband's eyes before shooting a meaningful glance at Izzie's six-month pregnant belly, silently communicating to Derek that Izzie wasn't referring to Hannah. She was thinking about her unborn daughter.

"You spotted some type of abnormality at last week's ultrasound, didn't you?" Izzie asked shakily.

"No," Addison reassured her friend. "No, it's nothing like that. Everything's fine with your baby. Perfect even."

"Then what's wrong?" Alex asked in confusion. He looked at his friends closely. "Are you two having another kid?"

"What? No!" Addison answered quickly. "No. We're happy with the way things are," she recovered.

Alex chuckled. "So what's going on?" he asked, growing serious.

Addison sighed. "Do you remember yesterday when I told you that Derek and I were interviewing babysitters?"

"Yeah," Alex nodded. "I asked you how it went a couple of times this morning, but you changed the subject every time I brought it up."

"Well, uh, we found someone we liked," Addison began hesitantly.

"That's great," Izzie smiled. "I'm not really sure how this concerns us. Unless, of course, you want a second opinion about the babysitter that you're thinking about hiring. Then we'd be happy to meet her and let you know what we think."

"I, uh, thanks," Addison stammered. "But the thing is, this actually does concern you, because, um…" she trailed off, meeting Derek's eyes. Derek nodded at his wife encouragingly, urging her to continue.

Addison swallowed hard, her eyes connecting with Izzie's. "Last night Derek and I interviewed a nineteen-year-old named Hannah Klein."

"You…you what?" Izzie breathed in disbelief.

"Izzie," Derek said gently. "We met your daughter."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks so much for the kind feedback on the last chapter. I always love hearing what you think. Here's the next chapter; I hope you like it. Just to give another heads up, I'll be bumping the rating next chapter because of sensitive subject matter. Thanks so much for reading!

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_Come on and talk to me now_

"You know, for someone who should have a lot to say, you've been awfully quiet tonight," Alex noted, as he and Izzie got ready for bed.

"I…" Izzie trailed off hesitantly. "I don't know what to feel," she admitted after a moment, refusing to meet her husband's eyes.

"Iz, it's okay to feel that way," Alex reassured his wife. He sat down next to her on their bed and took her hand in his, rubbing it gently. "Addison and Derek hit you with some big news today. It's perfectly normal to feel the way you feel."

"You know, I've imagined this day," Izzie confessed. "For as long as I can remember, I've imagined this day." She met her husband's eyes and swallowed thickly, tears stinging her eyes. "I want to meet my daughter, Alex. Of course I do. It's just, when I imagined myself meeting Hannah, not once did I imagine myself six months pregnant with a daughter that I have every intention of keeping. It just seems like a cruel irony." Izzie sighed. "And Hannah would have every right to resent me for it."

"No she wouldn't," Alex disagreed. "I mean, it might be a little uncomfortable for her, but she won't resent you for it. From what Addison and Derek have said, it sounds like Hannah has a good life. And you're part of the reason for that."

"I…I don't know."

"Iz," Alex said softly. "You've been a good mother to Hannah. Even if you weren't there with her. You've had her best interest at heart since day one…when you decided to give her up for adoption because you knew she deserved a better life than the one you could give her at the time."

Izzie nodded, unshed tears blurring her vision. "What if she hates me?"

"She won't hate you," Alex promised, pressing a kiss to Izzie's knuckle. "It might not be a perfect Kodak moment, but life rarely ever is. She won't hate you."

Izzie sighed. She was about to say more, when her almost-three-year-old son, Wyatt, came toddling into the room.

"I can't sleep," the little boy announced.

"Wyatt," Alex chuckled. "You have to try to get some sleep. If not, you're going to be very tired and cranky tomorrow."

"I can sleep in here," Wyatt offered, giving his parents his best puppy-dog eyes.

Alex and Izzie exchanged an amused glance. "Okay," Izzie conceded.

Wyatt gave his parents a triumphant smile, and Izzie couldn't help laughing. Wyatt really was a mini-Alex, right down to their identical mannerisms.

Alex lifted Wyatt up onto the bed, and the little boy quickly snuggled in between his mother and his father.

"Goodnight, Alex," Izzie said quietly, as she turned off the light on her bed table.

"Goodnight, Iz." Alex smiled. "Try to get some sleep tonight," he said, his voice softening in concern. "I know it's been a crazy day, but you really should-"

"I'm okay," Izzie reassured her husband.

"Yeah?" Alex asked, leaning over their sleeping son, and kissing his wife softly.

"Yeah," Izzie nodded. It wasn't completely the truth. But she had to admit that being snuggled up in bed with her two favorite guys somehow tended to make even the craziest days a little better.

xxxxx

"Hey," Izzie said quietly, as she gently knocked on Addison's office door. "Can I come in?"

"Of course," Addison nodded, pushing the paperwork on her desk aside and giving Izzie her full attention.

Izzie sat down across from Addison and met her friend's eyes. "I think you and Derek should hire Hannah."

"What?" Addison asked in surprise.

"I mean, the decision is yours, of course. But if you and Derek like her, then you should hire her."

Addison nodded slowly. "But what about you?"

Izzie swallowed thickly. "I want what's best for my daughter. And if she wants to baby-sit to get experience for when she goes into pediatrics, well…well then I couldn't dream up a better family for her to work for than your family. I think being around you, Derek, and your kids will be a good experience for her."

"Do you, do you want to meet her?" Addison asked cautiously.

"I do," Izzie nodded. "More than anything. Just…not right away. I think I…I think we all need a little time to adjust. But I do want to meet her."

Addison smiled at her friend warmly. "You're a good mom, Izzie."

"Thank you, Addison," Izzie sniffled, offering her friend a weak, watery smile. "You don't know how badly I needed to hear that."

xxxxx

"Let's see, I left Derek's cell phone number and my cell phone number on this piece of paper," Addison said, handing Hannah the paper in her hand. "So, if something goes wrong, don't hesitate to call us. I also put our friends Mark and Lexie's numbers on there, just in case you can't get a hold of me or Derek."

Hannah nodded as she studied the piece of paper in her hand.

"And like I said," Addison continued, "Derek and I shouldn't be out too late. Willa's school is having a 'Meet the Teachers' night, so we'll be home as soon as that's over."

"Okay," Hannah nodded. "That sounds good."

"Good," Addison smiled. "Do you have any questions for me?"

"Nope," Hannah grinned. "I think I'm good. Is there anything else you need from me?"

Addison shook her head. "No. Wait, yes," she amended quickly. She gave Hannah a genuine smile. "How was your first week of classes?"

"Oh," Hannah stammered, caught a little off guard by Addison's interest in her life. "It was good," she smiled. "I'm really liking my classes so far."

"Are you taking gross anatomy class?" Willa asked, as she joined her mother and Hannah in the kitchen. "'Cause that's where my mommy met my daddy."

"Really?" Hannah asked, looking from Willa to Addison.

Addison nodded.

"Maybe you'll meet your husband in gross anatomy class too," Willa continued, offering Hannah a hopeful smile.

Addison chuckled. "Hey, Willa," she said, growing serious. "Will you do me a favor and help make sure that Carter and Colette listen to Hannah tonight?"

Willa nodded earnestly. "I will," she promised

"Thank you, Sweetie," Addison smiled, bending down, and pressing a kiss to her daughter's temple.

"Hey," Derek grinned, as he entered the kitchen, balancing a twin on each hip. "We should really leave soon, if we don't want to be late."

Addison glanced at her watch and saw that her husband was right. "Okay," she nodded, as Derek gave her Carter, so that she could hug her son goodbye. "Be good," she told her children, as she and Derek exchanged twins, so that Addison was now holding Colette.

"We will," Carter promised, hugging his father tightly. "See you later."

Fifteen minutes later, Addison and Derek were in Willa's second grade classroom, sitting at their daughter's desk.

"Do you think the kids are okay?" Addison asked Derek in concern. She knew she was being overprotective; but it was the first time that she and Derek had left all three kids alone with someone who wasn't Alex, Izzie, Mark, or Lexie.

"Honey, they're fine," Derek reassured his wife, taking her hand in his.

Addison was about to say more when a young man with wavy, light brown hair and hazel eyes came over to them – obviously Willa's teacher.

"Hi," he smiled. "You must be Willa Shepherd's parents. I'm Chase Russell, her teacher."

"It's nice to meet you," Addison smiled, reaching out and shaking Mr. Russell's hand. "I'm Addison, and this is my husband, Derek."

"It's a pleasure to meet you both," Mr. Russell grinned. "I have to tell you, I know I've only known Willa for a little over a week, but she's a great kid. Very smart, and friendly…you're doing something right with her."

"Thank you," Addison smiled, truly touched by Mr. Russell's compliment. She and Derek knew that Willa was amazing, but it was always nice to have someone else confirm those feelings.

"Well, I should probably continue to introduce myself to the rest of the parents," Mr. Russell continued. "I just wanted to make sure I met you two."

"It was nice meeting you," Addison smiled. "And I think Willa's really lucky to have a teacher who's invested in her as you are. So, thank you."

"You don't have to thank me," Mr. Russell insisted. "Kids like Willa…that's why I got into teaching."

Addison watched Mr. Russell's retreating form before turning to her husband. "He seems great," she smiled. "I really like him."

"I do too," Derek agreed. "And he really seems to like Willa. Not that I'm surprised," he added quickly.

"It's too bad that all of our closest friends are married," Addison said thoughtfully. "Because I noticed that he wasn't wearing a ring. I'd love to set him up with someone."

"Addison," Derek scolded. "You can't just play matchmaker for Willa's teacher. For all you know, he might be engaged or seeing someone or not interested in dating."

"Okay, fine," Addison conceded. "You're right. It's just, he seems like such a nice man."

"Which is why we should stay out of his personal life, and just let him teach our daughter," Derek smirked.

"I know," Addison admitted reluctantly. "But you have to admit, he really does seem to like Willa. I've been watching him, and he spent a much longer time talking to us than he's spent talking to any other parents so far."

Derek chuckled. "It's because we're charming, Addison. And Mr. Russell realizes that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

"That's right it doesn't," Addison laughed, shooting her husband a teasing smile. "Willa gets her charm from me."

xxxxx

"Hey," Addison said quietly, as she and Derek let themselves into their house. They walked into the kitchen to find Hannah sitting at the kitchen table, reading her biology textbook.

"Hey," Hannah smiled looking up from her book.

"How'd it go?" Derek asked.

"They were great," Hannah complimented. "All three of them went to bed with no problem."

"Even Colette?" Addison asked in surprise.

Hannah nodded.

"That's great," Derek smiled. "You'll have to teach us your secret."

Addison chuckled, and turned to her husband. "Why don't you go upstairs and check on the kids. I can finish up down here."

"Okay," Derek nodded. He turned to Hannah. "Goodnight. Thanks again."

"You're welcome," Hannah smiled.

Derek turned to go upstairs, nearly colliding with Willa on his way out of the kitchen. "Willa," he chuckled, "what are you doing up?"

"I just wanted to say goodbye to Hannah," Willa explained tiredly.

"Okay," Derek nodded. "But be quick. It's a school night."

"I will," Willa promised; and Derek made his way upstairs to check on Carter and Colette, while Willa joined Addison and Hannah in the kitchen.

"Hey, Willa," Addison smiled, as her daughter walked into the kitchen, clad in her purple silk pajamas. "Why aren't you asleep?"

"I wanted to say goodbye to Hannah," Willa explained. "Daddy said I'm allowed." She went over to Hannah and gave her a hug. "Thanks for babysitting me tonight."

"You're welcome, Willa," Hannah chuckled, as the little girl climbed onto her mother's lap.

Addison looked down at her daughter and smiled. "Do you like hanging out with Hannah, Willa?"

Willa nodded. "Yeah. 'Cause she wants to be a doctor, like me. And she likes nail polish and shopping. And Carter and Colette like Hannah too."

Addison looked from her daughter to Hannah. "Hannah, my kids adore you," she smiled. "And Derek and I feel very comfortable with you watching them. So, if you're interested, we want to make things official, and hire you as our babysitter."

"Really?" Hannah grinned.

"Really?" Willa echoed happily.

Addison chuckled. "Really."

"I'd like that," Hannah smiled.

"So, you're my babysitter now?" Willa asked Hannah.

Hannah and Addison exchanged a glance, and Addison gave Hannah an encouraging smile.

"I am," Hannah nodded.

Willa smiled widely. "Wait until I tell Carter and Colette."

"Not tonight," Addison warned her daughter. "Carter and Colette are sleeping. And you should be sleeping too. Why don't you go upstairs to your room, and I'll be up in a few minutes to tuck you in."

"Okay," Willa agreed. "Goodnight, Hannah," she smiled, giving Hannah another hug, before making her way out of the kitchen.

Hannah watched Willa's retreating form before turning to Addison. "Thank you for hiring me, Dr. Shepherd. It really means a lot."

"Hannah," Addison chuckled. "Call me Addison. The only time people call me Dr. Shepherd is at work. So, Addison's fine."

"Okay," Hannah smiled.

"Hey, Hannah," Addison began.

"Yeah?"

"Welcome to the family."

xxxxx

"You know," Addison began, as she ran the ultrasound transducer over Lexie's exposed abdomen. "It's been a long time since I last saw this happen."

"Saw what happen?" Mark asked in confusion, as he squeezed his wife's hand, his eyes glued to the image of his son or daughter on the screen in front of him.

"I want to be able to tell you if you're having a son or a daughter," Addison chuckled. "But your baby is extremely modest, and is refusing to uncross his or her legs, so it makes it hard to get a good angle."

Mark laughed. "Apparently our baby is already taking after his or her mother. Because let's face it, I'm anything but modest."

Lexie giggled. Sure, she wanted to find out the sex of her baby; but she also thought it was kind of cute that her son or daughter already had a little personality. "I guess he or she is pretty stubborn," she commented.

"Something that he or she also gets from you," Mark teased. He watched the screen closely. "Hey, Addison, it looks like the baby just flipped over. Can you tell the sex now?"

Addison looked closely, but shook her head. "No," she apologized. "His or her legs are still crossed. I could run a blood test to determine chromosomal makeup," Addison offered.

"That's okay," Lexie insisted. "We work at a hospital. We can do another ultrasound sometime this week. Maybe Baby Sloan will be feeling a little less shy."

Addison chuckled. "If you're okay with that, I'm okay with that."

"I'm okay with that," Lexie nodded. "I mean, I want to know. But waiting a few more days won't kill me."

"Mark?" Addison asked, eyeing her friend closely.

"I guess I can wait," Mark sighed with forced exasperation.

"Welcome to parenthood," Addison laughed. "You might as well get used to having your life dictated by someone else's schedule. It looks like your son or daughter is just giving you a head start."

"How thoughtful of him or her," Mark smirked. He looked at Lexie and the two of them shared an amused smile at the expense of the little boy or girl, who they loved so much already.

xxxxx

"Hey, do you have a minute?" Izzie asked, as she lightly tapped on the door to Addison's office.

Addison looked up from her paperwork and smiled. "Sure. Come on in."

"Thanks," Izzie nodded, as she sat down across from Addison

"So, what's up?" Addison asked her friend.

Izzie cleared her throat nervously. "Oh, you know…" she trailed off. "I just felt like talking. How are the kids?"

"They're good," Addison chuckled, knowing full well that Izzie hadn't come to her office to talk about Willa, Carter, and Colette.

"That's good," Izzie nodded. She met Addison's eyes, and lowered her voice. "I, uh, I want to meet Hannah," she admitted vulnerably. "Do you think maybe you could say something to her…about me? I mean, she's been working for you for a little over a week…do you think it's too soon?"

Addison shook her head. "I don't think it's too soon," she smiled. "I'd be happy to talk to Hannah and tell her about you."

A look of relief washed over Izzie's face. "Thank you," she breathed, tears shining in her eyes.

"You're welcome," Addison smiled, reaching across the desk and patting Izzie's hand reassuringly.

Izzie shook her head in disbelief. "It's crazy…you know? That I'm finally going to meet my daughter. After all these years."

Addison smiled at her friend warmly. "Yeah."

"So, uh, you'll talk to her, right?" Izzie clarified. "You'll tell her about me?"

Addison nodded. "I'll talk to her tonight."

xxxxx

"Hello," Addison called out, as she and Derek walked through the front door of their home, each holding a twin by the hand.

"In the living room," Willa's voice called out.

And Addison, Derek, Carter, and Colette entered the living room to find Willa and Hannah sitting on the couch together, engrossed in a thick-looking textbook.

"What are you reading?" Derek asked, as he bent down and placed a kiss on the top of Willa's head.

"Hannah's biology textbook," Willa smiled. "Hannah's reading it to me."

"Sounds fun," Addison laughed.

"It's kind of boring," Willa admitted. "But Hannah said you have to read it if you want to be a doctor. And we want to be doctors."

"I wanna be a doctor too," Carter piped up, eager to join the conversation.

"Me too," Colette inserted. "And so does Wyatt."

"Who's Wyatt?" Hannah asked Colette in confusion, completely missing the uncomfortable look that Addison and Derek were exchanging with each other.

"Wyatt's the son of our very close friends," Derek inserted quickly. "He's good friends with our kids."

"I'm gonna marry him," Colette added.

"We'll see about that," Derek muttered.

"So, Willa," Addison cut in, desperate to change the subject to something other than Hannah's half-brother. "How was school?"

"Good," Willa smiled. "I got my first spelling test back," she told her mother proudly, rifling though her backpack, and handing Addison her spelling test.

"You got a hundred?" Addison asked proudly.

Willa nodded happily, as Addison passed Willa's test to Derek.

"And I was the only one who got a sparkly sticker on my test," Willa went on with a smile. "Even though a lot of other kids got a hundred too."

"So why didn't they get stickers?" Derek asked in confusion.

Willa shrugged. "I don't know. But Hannah got an A on her college test too, so I gave her a sparkly sticker." She pointed to the sparkly red heart sticker on Hannah's left hand. "See?"

"I see," Addison laughed, pressing a kiss to her daughter's temple. She turned to Hannah, and offered her a genuine smile. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," Hannah blushed.

"Hey, Willa," Addison said, turning to her daughter. "Why don't you, Daddy, Carter, and Colette go into the kitchen and find a place on the refrigerator to hang your test. I need to talk to Hannah for a few minutes."

"Okay," Willa nodded. She looked at Hannah. "Can we read more biology tomorrow?"

"Sure, Willa," Hannah laughed. She watched Willa, Derek, Carter, and Colette make their way into the kitchen, before turning her attention to Addison, who was sitting down next to her on the couch.

"She's a really good kid," Hannah complimented.

"Thank you," Addison smiled. She ran a hand through her hair nervously. Truth be told, she wished she and Hannah could just continue to talk about Willa; but she knew she needed to rip the Band-Aid off and tell Hannah about Izzie.

"Hey, Hannah," she began, clearing her throat. "I need to tell you something."

"Okay," Hannah said warily, sensing the serious tone of Addison's voice.

"I…the first day that Derek and I met you, you mentioned something about being adopted."

"Yeah…" Hannah trailed off, unsure where Addison was going with this.

"The thing is," Addison continued, "I, uh…Derek and I…we…we know your birth mother."

"You what?" Hannah breathed in confusion.

"After we met you, we had a sneaking suspicion that we knew who your birth mother was. But we wanted to be a hundred percent sure, so we used your medical records to verify our suspicions, and…well…"

"Wait, let me get this straight," Hannah cut in. "You're telling me that you know my birth mother?"

Addison nodded. "She's a doctor at the hospital that Derek and I work at. She's actually one of our closest friends."

"Are you serious?" Hannah asked in disbelief. "Does she…does she know about me?"

Addison nodded.

"And you're telling me about her now because she wants to meet me?" Hannah assessed. "Is that right?"

"Yeah," Addison said gently. "She'd love to meet you. But she also understands that this is a lot to take in…and that it might take you some time to-"

"No," Hannah interrupted. "I don't need any time."

"Really?" Addison asked, a smile gracing her features. "That's wonderful. In that case, Derek and I'll just-"

"No," Hannah cut in. "I don't think you understand. I don't need any time because…because I don't want to meet her. I don't ever want to meet her."

xxxxx

Addison sighed heavily as she tossed and turned in her bed. She had been trying to fall asleep for hours, but she had too much on her mind to sleep.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Derek asked tiredly, as his wife continued to toss and turn.

"I…" Addison hesitated, her body relaxing when she felt Derek's arms wrap around her comfortingly. "I don't know how I'm going to break the news to Izzie tomorrow," Addison began quietly. "How am I supposed to tell her that Hannah doesn't want to meet her? It's going to crush her."

Derek pulled Addison in closer, and pressed a kiss to her exposed shoulder. "There's no easy way to break that kind of news," he agreed softly. "I can talk to her with you, if you think that'll make things easier."

"Thanks," Addison said appreciatively. "But I think I should talk to Izzie on my own…you know, mother to mother."

"I get that," Derek nodded, lightly trailing his fingers through his wife's long, red hair. He was about to say more, but the pitter patter of little feet ripped him from his thoughts; and he and Addison looked up to see Willa, Carter, and Colette standing in their bedroom doorway.

"Can we sleep in here with you tonight?" Willa asked hopefully.

Derek and Addison exchanged a glance. "Did you three plan on coming in here at the same exact time?" Derek asked in amusement.

"I couldn't sleep," Colette admitted. "So I woke up Carter."

"And then me and Colette woke up Willa," Carter added.

"And now we're in here with you," Willa concluded with a smile.

"We wanna sleep in here tonight," Colette piped up.

Addison met her husband's eyes and gave him a slight nod.

"Okay," Derek agreed with a chuckle. "But just tonight. Don't get used to this…especially not on school nights."

"Okay," Willa agreed earnestly, as she, Carter, and Colette happily climbed onto their parents' bed.

And Addison couldn't help smiling, as her children cuddled up against her and Derek. Sure it was a school night, and she knew that by letting their kids sleep in their bedroom, she and Derek were technically reinforcing a bad habit. But tonight, she couldn't care less. Her kids wanted to be with her and Derek. And after Hannah's refusal to meet Izzie, it felt good to be able to lay in her bed with Derek and their kids, and take comfort in her family.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you so much for your nice feedback on the last chapter! Like I've mentioned, this chapter starts the darker portion of this story. Writing about darker themes is new for me, so I hope you enjoy this. As always, thank you so much for reading!

* * *

_So, if you're mad get mad_

"You said you wanted to see me?" Izzie asked, as she walked into Addison's office.

Addison nodded, as Izzie sat down across from her at her office desk. "I spoke to Hannah last night," she began, sighing heavily.

"And…?" Izzie trailed off, slightly worried by her friend's serious expression.

Addison shook her head sadly.

"Oh," Izzie choked out, swallowing thickly. "I, uh…that's…that's okay…I guess. Thanks for asking."

"Izzie," Addison said sympathetically, reaching across her desk, and rubbing the top of her friend's hand reassuringly.

"No," Izzie sniffled. "It's fine, really. I'm fine."

"Izzie, you're not fine. And it's okay not to be fine."

Izzie nodded sadly. "Did she…did she say why?"

"Yeah," Addison said gently. "She did."

"And…?" Izzie trailed off hesitantly.

"She doesn't feel like she's in a place in her life where she's ready to meet you," Addison explained as delicately as she could. "From what she told me, it seems like she has a really good relationship with her parents. And she'll always be grateful to you for giving birth to her, and for giving her to parents who were able to give her a really good life, and for the blood marrow that you donated to her when she was sick. But she's gone so many years without knowing you. And while you've always existed to her in some capacity, it's always been more hypothetical than anything else. It's what she's used to, and it's how she wants things to stay."

Izzie nodded sadly. "I…I guess I have to respect that then."

Addison shook her head regretfully. "Still…it doesn't mean it doesn't suck."

"Yeah," Izzie agreed, finally giving into the tears that she'd been holding back.

"Izzie," Addison whispered sympathetically, as she stood up and walked over to where Izzie was sitting. "I'm sorry," she apologized, giving her friend a comforting hug. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Me too," Izzie choked out tearfully.

And as Izzie continued to sob in her arms, Addison felt as if her heart were literally breaking in two. "Is there anything I can do for you?" she asked, trying to feel less useless.

"Yeah," Izzie choked out through her tears. "Stay with me."

"Of course," Addison promised, rubbing Izzie's back sympathetically. "We can stay in here as long as you'd like."

xxxxx

"Where's Willa?" Addison asked in surprise, as she, Derek, Carter, and Colette walked into the living room to find Hannah sitting on the couch alone, without Willa.

"She's upstairs in her room," Hannah explained. "I, uh, I think she may have had a rough day. She came home from school, and said she wanted to be alone."

"That doesn't sound like Willa," Addison assessed, looking at her husband worriedly.

"Yeah," Hannah agreed. "Something seemed a little off."

"I'll go talk to her," Derek offered.

Addison nodded reluctantly. In all honesty, she wanted to be the one to talk to Willa. She and Willa had always had a close relationship, and the thought of her little girl being upset made her upset. She also knew that if Derek talked to Willa, she'd be the one downstairs with Hannah, Carter, and Colette. And as much as Addison liked Hannah, it was hard for her to forget that just hours earlier, she'd consoled a broken Izzie in her office.

"Let me know if you need anything," Addison told her husband.

"I will," Derek promised, before turning to make his way up the stairs towards Willa's bedroom.

"Willa," he said gently, tapping lightly on her closed bedroom door.

She didn't answer, so Derek cautiously opened the door. He saw Willa sitting on her bed, staring blankly into space, and looking so much like Addison when she was upset.

"Willa," he said gently, as he sat down next to her on her bed. "Is everything okay?"

Willa nodded, still refusing to look her father in the eye.

"It doesn't seem like everything's okay," Derek noted, wrapping an arm around his daughter, and swallowing hard when he felt her body tense up.

"Did something happen in school?" he asked.

Willa shook her head no, still staring blankly into space.

"Sweetheart, whatever it is…" Derek trailed off. "You can tell me. I'm not going to get mad."

"I'm fine," Willa said dully, breaking her silence.

"Willa," Derek said, unconvinced. He wracked his brain, trying to figure out what was bothering his daughter. "Did you get your math test back?" he asked, remembering that Willa had taken her first math test of the year a day earlier.

"Yeah."

"How'd it go?"

"Fine, I guess."

"Oh, yeah? Can I see it?"

Willa shrugged before getting off her bed, and retrieving her test from her backpack. "Here," she said, still refusing to meet her father's eyes.

"Willa," Derek grinned. "You got a hundred. That's a lot better than fine."

"I guess."

"Willa," Derek chided. "You did so well. I'm so proud of you. Mommy's going to be so proud of you."

"Don't tell her," Willa insisted, her voice growing urgent.

"What?" Derek asked in confusion. "Why not?"

"Please don't tell her," Willa begged.

"Why not, Willa? You're doing so well in school, and we're proud of you."

"Don't be proud of me."

"Sweetheart," Derek began gently, wrapping his arms around Willa, and once again, feeling her tense up. "Are you embarrassed because you're good at school? Are kids making fun of you because you're good at school?"

"I'm fine," Willa insisted. "I just want to be alone."

Derek sighed heavily. Willa was shutting him out, and it broke his heart. He knew that this might happen when she was a teenager; but she was seven-years-old – still his little girl.

"If you need anything," he began, swallowing thickly, "or if you want to talk, you know you can come to me, right?"

Willa nodded; her eyes glassy from unshed tears. "I know."

xxxxx

"Do you want to call Willa downstairs for dinner, or should I?" Derek asked, as he and Addison set the table for dinner.

"I'll get her," Addison offered. "I haven't seen her since we got home."

"Tread lightly with her," Derek cautioned. "Maybe you'll have more luck getting her to tell you what's wrong than I did."

Addison nodded, before making her way upstairs to Willa's room.

"Hey, Willa," she smiled, as she walked into her daughter's bedroom to find Willa sitting on her bed, staring blankly into space – nearly identical to the way that Derek had found her. "It's time for dinner."

"I'm not hungry," Willa said flatly.

"Why don't you just come downstairs and sit at the table," Addison reasoned. "You might get hungry."

"I won't," Willa insisted matter-of-factly.

"Sweetheart," Addison said gently, as she wrapped an arm around her daughter, immediately feeling Willa tense up. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, Willa, I know it's not nothing. You can tell me."

"No," Willa said, shaking her head vehemently.

"Willa," Addison tried again. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Willa insisted, refusing to meet her mother's eyes. "Let's go downstairs and have dinner," she said after a moment. She wasn't hungry, but she figured it was the easiest way to put an end to the conversation.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me what's wrong?" Addison asked her daughter gently.

Willa shook her head. "I'm fine."

Addison sighed. She knew that Willa wasn't fine. But Willa also wasn't talking. So Addison did the only thing that was left for her to do. "Okay," she said. "Let's go downstairs."

Five minutes later, the Shepherds were sitting around the dinner table. Carter and Colette were babbling happily, as they ate their tiny pieces of cut up grilled chicken. But Derek and Addison were focused on Willa, who wasn't eating, and whose eyes were focused on her spelling test, which was displayed proudly on the refrigerator.

"Is everything alright, Willa?" Derek asked his daughter gently.

But Willa ignored him. Her eyes were fixed on her spelling test – on that stupid, sparkly sticker Mr. Russell had given her.

"Willa," Addison tried. "Are you -"

But before she could get the words out, Willa let out a frustrated cry, and quickly stood up from the dinner table, and rushed towards the refrigerator. She angrily snatched her test off the refrigerator, and frantically began crumpling it and tearing it to shreds, her breath labored, tears streaming down her face.

"Willa," Addison breathed in horrified concern. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" Willa screamed. "I told you already, nothing is wrong!"

"Willa, you know not to speak that way to your mother, or to anyone," Derek reprimanded.

"Fine, I'm sorry!" Willa shot back angrily.

"Willa, I don't like the way you're speaking to me and Daddy," Addison scolded.

"Just leave me alone!" Willa demanded.

"Fine, you want to be left alone," Addison retorted. "You can be alone. You can spend the rest of the night alone in your room."

"Fine!" Willa sobbed, before racing out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her bedroom.

The second she got to her room, she slammed the door hard behind her. She walked over to her bed, and saw her math test, just sitting there, taunting her. Initially, she had been so proud of that test. What a joke.

"_Before you go to lunch and recess, I have your math tests to give back," Mr. Russell told the class; and Willa watched as her teacher handed tests back to everyone in the class but her._

_Once everyone had cleared out of the classroom, Willa went to Mr. Russell's desk. "Um, I didn't get my test back," she told her teacher quietly._

"_Oh," Mr. Russell smiled, reaching into his desk drawer. "It's right here. I'm sorry. I must have forgotten." He handed Willa her test, a wide smile on his face. "Very nice job," he complimented._

"_Thank you," Willa beamed._

"_Do you like the sticker I gave you?" Mr. Russell asked, pointing to the sparkly shooting star sticker on Willa's math test._

_Willa nodded. "Yeah. I like stars and sparkles."_

_Mr. Russell chuckled. "I thought you would. You know, you're the only student I've given stickers to."_

"_You should give stickers to other kids too," Willa encouraged. "These stickers are pretty."_

"_I'm glad you think so, Willa," Mr. Russell grinned. You know," he continued, "you're very good at math, and you really seem to like it."_

"_I want to be a doctor like my mommy," Willa explained. "And you have to be good at math to be a doctor."_

"_You're right," Mr. Russell agreed. "I think you'll be a good doctor one day."_

"_Thank you," Willa blushed._

"_And I'm very proud of you for doing so well on your tests," Mr. Russell smiled, reaching towards Willa, his hand finding the zipper on her little Burberry skirt. "That's why I've been giving you those pretty stickers."_

"_Uh, Mr. Russell," Willa began timidly. "What are you doing?"_

_Mr. Russell gave Willa a sly smile, before tugging at the zipper of her skirt; "I'm showing you just how proud I am."_

Willa shuddered at the memory and everything that came after. She looked down at the test that she was holding in her trembling hands and immediately felt sick. Not even bothering to fight the tears that were streaming down her cheeks, Willa crumpled the test in her hands before ripping into tiny shreds.

"Willa," Carter's little voice rang out, ripping Willa from her thoughts. She looked towards the door of her bedroom to find her three-and-a-half-year-old brother entering her room.

"I sneaked you a cookie," Carter said, extending his little hand towards her, and offering her a chocolate chip cookie.

"Carter," Willa choked out, truly touched by her brother's thoughtfulness.

"Take it," Carter urged, holding his hand out to her. "Just don't tell Mommy."

_Don't tell Mommy_. The words stung like a slap in the face.

_Don't tell Mommy_. The words made her sick.

And in an instant, she went from appreciating her brother's actions to feeling completely and utterly betrayed by him.

"Get out," Willa told him angrily.

"What?" Carter asked in confusion, still holding his cookie out towards her.

"I said get out!" Willa screamed, pushing Carter for emphasis.

"Ouch!" Carter yelped, bursting into tears. "I'm telling Mommy," he blubbered, as he tearfully ran out of Willa's room. "I'm telling Mommy."

"Good!" Willa shot back angrily, before lowering her voice to a nearly inaudible whisper. "I wish I could."

_Willa sniffled, doing her best not to cry, as Mr. Russell zipped up her skirt. She knew that what had just happened was wrong – that he shouldn't have touched her the way he had touched her. But he was her teacher, so what could she really say?_

"_You'll like it more next time," Mr. Russell promised, offering Willa a comforting smile. "I promise."_

"_I…" Willa stammered, feeling confused and violated and disgusted. Why was he talking about next time? There was going to be a next time? Involuntary tears welled up her eyes and began streaming down her cheeks._

"_Shhhh," Mr. Russell whispered comfortingly, as he stroked her dark brown hair. "It's okay. It's okay. But, Willa, I need you to promise me something."_

_Willa looked up at her teacher, doing her best to blink back tears, as she fearfully waited to hear what he wanted from her._

"_You need to promise me that you're not going to tell your mommy."_

"_But I-" Willa choked out. She told her mother everything. Especially bad things, like this._

"_Willa," Mr. Russell interrupted. "You have to trust me. If you tell your mommy, she's going to get mad at you. And your daddy will get mad at you too. And so will I. And bad things will happen…because nobody will believe you. I'll make sure of it. And your mommy and your daddy will get mad at you for lying. Madder than you've ever seen them before. And bad things will happen…so bad that I can't even tell you. And you don't want that, do you?"_

"_Nn-no," Willa trembled._

"_Yeah, I didn't think so," Mr. Russell nodded, patting Willa's shoulder. "So, we'll just keep this between us, okay?"_

"_I…"_

"_Willa."_

"_Okay," Willa choked out, shutting her eyes tightly to keep herself from crying._

"_Good," Mr. Russell said with a satisfied smile. "Don't tell mommy."_

xxxxx

"I can hear you worrying," Derek mumbled tiredly, as Addison tossed and turned in their bed.

"It's because I am worried," Addison admitted. "Derek, I punished Willa this evening. We've never had to punish her like this before. And she…she just doesn't seem like herself. I think something's going on."

"I know," Derek agreed softly. "Seeing her act the way she did today…it broke my heart. It felt like she wasn't even our daughter. The Willa we know would never rip her test off the refrigerator or raise her voice at us."

"Or push her brother," Addison added sadly.

"Or push her brother," Derek echoed.

"I'm telling you, Derek, I think something's wrong."

"Something's definitely wrong," Derek agreed. "The question is what."

Addison sighed heavily, as she and Derek lay together in silence.

"I'm going to go check on her," Addison said suddenly, breaking the silence.

"Addison, it's after midnight," Derek pointed out. "She's going to be asleep."

"I know," Addison nodded. "I won't wake her. I just…I need to see my little girl."

Derek nodded, knowing that there was no point in trying to reason with his wife. "Okay," he nodded, as he watched Addison tiptoe out of their bedroom.

When Addison reached Willa's room, she quietly opened the door, only to hear the sound of muffled crying coming from Willa's bed.

"Willa," she said softly, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Willa choked out, as Addison sat down on the edge of Willa's bed.

"It doesn't sound like nothing," Addison whispered, as she gently rubbed her daughter's back, feeling Willa tense up at her touch. "You had kind of a rough day today, didn't you?" Addison asked gently.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well, if you want to talk about it," Addison offered.

"I don't."

"Okay," Addison nodded, as she moved to lie down next to her daughter.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Willa asked her mother hesitantly.

"I thought I'd lay here with you," Addison explained. "I thought I could lay with you until you fell asleep, the way that I always do when you're sad or sick or scared."

"I…you don't have to do that," Willa said quietly.

"I want to," Addison insisted softly.

"But I don't want you to," Willa said, burying her face in her pillow. It was a lie. A huge lie. She wanted her mother there; of course, she did. But after what had happened earlier in the day with Mr. Russell, she didn't think she deserved it. She didn't deserve her mother's love…her mother's hugs…her mother stroking her hair reassuringly, whispering that everything was going to be alright.

"You should go back to your room, Mommy."

"Oh," Addison choked out, tears stinging her eyes. "Okay." She got up off her daughter's bed, and made her way towards the door, feeling confused and helpless. "I, uh, I'll see you tomorrow, Willa."

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow," Willa mumbled, biting her lip to keep her tears at bay.

Addison lingered in the doorway for a moment, watching her daughter. "You know I love you, right Willa?" she asked, her voice cracking, her cheeks moist with hot tears.

"I know," Willa choked out. "I love you too. Goodnight, Mommy."

Addison swallowed thickly, casting one last glance at her daughter, before leaving Willa's bedroom and gently closing the door.

"Goodnight, Willa."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thank you so much for your feedback on the last chapter! Writing something like that is definitely new for me, so I really appreciated hearing what you thought of it. Based on your reviews, I sensed that a lot of you had an idea of what was going to happen, and I hope you like where the story goes from here. Thanks so much for reading!

* * *

_Hey, what you got to hide?_

"I don't want to go to school," Willa said, folding her arms across her chest.

Addison looked at her daughter in surprise. "Why not?"

"Because…" Willa trailed off, realizing that she didn't know how to finish the sentence.

She knew what she wanted to say. _Because Mr. Russell touched me yesterday. Because he's gonna touch me again._ But she knew she couldn't say that.

"You don't feel warm," Addison said, bringing her hand to Willa's forehead to see if she was sick.

"I just don't want to go to school," Willa sighed.

"Willa, unless your sick or have a good reason for not wanting to go to school, you need to go," Addison told her daughter.

Willa swallowed hard. She did have a good reason for not wanting to go. But she couldn't tell her mother.

_Don't tell Mommy_.

"Willa," Addison said, cutting into her daughter's thoughts. "We're running late. I need you to start getting ready for school."

"I told you I don't want to go!" Willa shot back angrily. "Why won't you listen to me?"

"And I told you that unless you're sick or have a good reason for not wanting to go to school, you need to go," Addison told her daughter, annoyance creeping into her voice. She looked at her daughter closely. "Are you sick?"

"No."

"Do you have a good reason for not wanting to go to school?"

Willa swallowed thickly, her bottom lip trembling.

"Willa?"

Willa sighed heavily. "No."

"Then you need to go to school."

Willa nodded sadly. "You're really mean, Mommy."

"Willa, I'm really not liking your attitude," Addison scolded.

Will shrugged indifferently; and Addison found herself at a loss for words. This was not Willa. The Willa she knew hated being reprimanded. The Willa she knew loved school.

Addison watched as her daughter began to get ready for the day, and felt her heart sink in her chest as she watched Willa go over to her walk-in closet and indifferently pick out the first outfit she saw. Usually, picking out Willa's outfit was something that they did together – a special mother/daughter moment. But, today, Willa didn't seem up for their daily ritual.

"Willa," Addison said gently, placing a comforting hand on her daughter's shoulder, as she watched crocodile tears stream down Willa's checks. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"Don't touch me," Willa demanded, shaking her mother's hand off her.

"Willa, I just want to help you."

"Then don't make me go to school."

"Willa, that's not an option."

"Then get out," Willa instructed angrily.

"Willa, I-"

"Get out!"

Addison nodded mutely and made her way out of her daughter's room. As soon as she reached the hallway, she slumped against the wall, and closed her eyes tightly, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall. This was not Willa. This was not her kind, sweet, precious little girl.

"Honey," Derek said, cutting into Addison's thoughts, and wrapping his arms around her when he noticed she was holding back tears. "What's wrong?"

Addison sighed and cocked her head in the direction of Willa's bedroom.

"Things aren't any better?" Derek asked in concern.

"No. If anything, they're worse," Addison said, shaking her head sadly. "She doesn't want to go to school, and she pretty much kicked me out of her bedroom."

"I've never known you to be the type to get out," Derek said, running his hand through his wife's hair.

"I'm not," Addison admitted. "But with this…I just, I don't know what to do. I want to help her, but she's making it really, really difficult."

"I know," Derek agreed sadly.

"And I know that all kids have off days, and are entitled to the occasional mood swing or temper tantrum," Addison continued. "But this feels so much worse than that." She met her husband's eyes. "I just want my little girl back, Derek."

"I know," Derek said softly, wrapping his arms around his wife. "I do too."

xxxxx

"So, Wyatt," Izzie began. "Daddy and I are going to buy some clothes and toys for your baby sister this weekend. Do you want to help us pick things out for her?"

Wyatt looked up from his cut up pieces of pancake, and looked from his mother to his father. "No."

"Come on, Wyatt," Alex laughed, as he sipped at his coffee. "Sure, shopping can be kind of boring. But don't you want to be a good big brother and help choose toys and clothes for your sister?"

"No," Wyatt insisted. "Don't want a sister."

"I hate to break it to you, but you're getting one," Izzie chuckled, as she shot Alex a worried glance.

"No," Wyatt disagreed. "She can live with Colette."

Alex stifled a laugh at his almost three-year-old son's reasoning. "You know, your sister already loves you very much."

"Don't care," Wyatt shrugged. "I don't want a sister."

"Sorry, Buddy," Alex chuckled. "This isn't exactly up for debate."

And as Izzie watched Alex continue to reason with Wyatt, she couldn't help the sinking feeling in her chest. Sure, Wyatt's feelings were perfectly normal; he wasn't the first and he certainly wouldn't be the last child to not be excited about getting a new sibling. But even though she knew this, her son's feelings about his new sister were hitting a little too close to home for Izzie. Wyatt was rejecting his sister; Hannah was rejecting her – maybe she wasn't supposed to have one of those close-knit families, like the Shepherds.

"Iz," Alex said gently, cutting into her thoughts. "The two situations aren't the same. Wyatt's three-years-old; he'll get over it."

"And Hannah?" Izzie whispered hoarsely.

"I don't know," Alex admitted. "But I do know that they aren't the same. What's happening with Wyatt and what's happening with Hannah aren't the same thing."

Izzie nodded, letting her husband's words sink in. "Hey, how did you know I was-"

"Iz, you're my wife," Alex chuckled. "I know you better than anyone else in the world. Of course I knew what you were thinking about."

xxxxx

"This is going to be a little cold," Addison warned, as she squirted some gel on Lexie's exposed abdomen and began scanning. She expertly found Mark and Lexie's baby, and gave the expectant couple a wide smile.

"You can tell, can't you?" Mark grinned.

"I can," Addison nodded. "Baby Sloan certainly isn't being shy today."

"And…" Lexie pressed.

"Congratulations," Addison smiled. "You two are having a little boy."

"A son," Lexie grinned. "Really?"

Addison nodded. "Yeah. See for yourself," she smiled as she tilted the screen so that Mark and Lexie could get a better view of their son.

"Wow," Mark smiled; the sense of pride and awe in his voice impossible to miss.

Addison turned to her friend and smiled. "You know, I'm kind of waiting for you to make some type of ridiculous penis comment. Are you not going to do that?"

"No," Mark said, shaking his head.

"Really?" Addison pressed. "You?"

Mark shook his head. "No. I'm a grownup. Making some macho comment about my son's penis…that doesn't seem right. Especially not with my current audience," he added, smirking at Addison and Lexie.

"Point taken," Addison smiled. "I'll give you two a minute alone," she said, heading towards the door. "Congratulations."

Lexie watched Addison's retreating form before turning to her husband. "Are you happy?" she asked.

"Very happy," Mark grinned. "Are you?"

"I am," Lexie smiled. "I mean, I'm nervous. I grew with sisters, so I don't know much about boys, but-"

"You'll be great," Mark finished.

"So will you," Lexie smiled.

"Thanks, Lex. That means a lot."

"Hey, Mark?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks for not making a tacky penis comment."

xxxxx

"So," Izzie beamed as she joined Lexie and Addison at their cafeteria table, "Mark just told me and Derek the good news. Congratulations, Lexie. Boys are a lot of fun."

"Thank you," Lexie grinned.

"It's funny," Izzie continued, "I always pictured Mark as the type to end up with a bunch of daughters. You know, as some type of karmic retribution for his former man-whoring days."

Lexie laughed at her friend's quip, reminding herself to share it with her husband later.

"But, seriously," Izzie went on, "I'm really happy for you two."

"I am too," Addison agreed.

"Thank you," Lexie smiled. "I'm really happy too."

"Speaking of being happy," Izzie cut in, "do either of you know how I can make Wyatt happier about having a little sister."

Addison chuckled. "So, Wyatt doesn't like the idea of having a little sibling?"

Izzie shook her head. "He's already making plans to have his sister live with you and Derek."

Addison shook her head in amusement. "Trust me; that's the last thing you'd want. Things at our house have been kind of…tense lately."

"Is everything okay with you and Derek?" Lexie asked in concern.

"Derek and I are fine," Addison nodded.

"Is it Hannah?" Izzie asked worriedly.

Addison shook her head. "No. It's Willa."

"Willa?" Lexie and Izzie asked in surprise.

Addison nodded. "She's been angry and moody and…just not herself."

"Has she told you why?" Izzie asked in concern.

Addison shook her head sadly. "No. She's hardly speaking to me or Derek. Unless it's to yell at us or tell us that she doesn't want to go to school."

"Why doesn't she want to go to school?" Lexie asked. "I thought she was loving second grade."

"I thought she was too," Addison admitted. "I mean, she's doing really well on all her tests, but she doesn't seem happy about it."

"Maybe she doesn't feel challenged," Lexie suggested. "Or maybe she's embarrassed to be smart. Maybe kids are teasing her."

"Kids can be really cruel nowadays," Izzie added.

"I don't know," Addison shrugged. "It just…it seems like it's more than that. I think I might try to set up a meeting and talk to her teacher. Maybe he can help me figure out what's going on."

Izzie nodded. "That's not a bad idea. You said he seemed really great, right?"

"He's very good," Addison nodded. "And very invested in Willa."

"That's good," Lexie smiled. "And I'm sure everything with Willa will work itself out. I'm telling you, she's probably a little embarrassed about being so good at school. I went through that when I was younger. It's perfectly normal."

"You're probably right," Addison agreed. "It's probably just a phase." She sighed heavily as she thought about how difficult her seven-year-old had been over the last day and a half. "But I really hope she gets over it soon."

xxxxx

"Willa, what are you wearing?" Derek asked, as his daughter joined him in the kitchen, the next morning. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he took in his daughter's very un-Willa outfit: jeans and a Columbia sweatshirt. Much like her mother, Willa almost never wore jeans. And she rarely wore them to school. And his daughter hated sweatshirts, especially Columbia blue ones.

"Willa…?" Derek trailed off when his daughter met his question with silence. "What's with the outfit?"

"I don't know," Willa shrugged. "I want to wear this."

"But why?" Derek asked in confusion.

_Why?_ Willa thought to herself dryly. If only she could tell him.

"_This is a very pretty dress, Willa," Mr. Russell complimented, as he ran his hands over the fabric of her little navy, pleated Marc Jacobs dress._

_The rest of the class had gone to lunch and recess. Willa had wanted to be there with them, but Mr. Russell had asked to speak to her for a minute; and now, for a second time, she had found herself in this confusing and uncomfortable situation with her teacher._

"_You always wear such pretty clothes," Mr. Russell grinned, reaching his hand underneath her dress. Willa cringed. She felt the vomit rising in her throat, tears immediately coming to her eyes._

"_I like it when you wear nice clothes, Willa. You should wear them everyday."_

"Willa," Derek said, cutting into his daughter's thoughts.

Willa looked up at her father in surprise before sighing heavily. "I just want to wear this today."

Derek ran a hand through his hair. In all honesty, he didn't care what his daughter wore to school; Willa had always been the one who insisted upon wearing skirts and dresses. And he thought that she looked adorable in her little Columbia sweatshirt.

"Hey, Willa," he smiled.

"Yes?"

"You look beautiful."

Willa sighed heavily. Sure, she appreciated her father's compliment; but, this morning, beautiful wasn't what she was going for.

xxxxx

"Thank you for meeting with us," Addison said, as she and Derek sat down with Mr. Russell in Willa's second grade classroom, a couple of days later.

"It's my pleasure," Mr. Russell smiled. "Willa's lucky to have parents who as involved and concerned as you two are."

Derek nodded. "It's just confusing," he began hesitantly. "Lately, Willa hasn't been acting like herself, and I guess we were wondering if you've noticed a change in her behavior as well…since you spend all day at school with her."

Mr. Russell nodded sympathetically. "I have noticed a change," he said. "And, just today, I was thinking about calling you up and asking to meet with you, but you beat me to the punch."

"What types of changes have you noticed?" Addison asked.

"Mostly schoolwork-related changes," Mr. Russell explained. "Like take today, for example. Willa got a 50 on her spelling test, but it almost felt as if she got a bad grade on purpose."

"What do you mean?" Addison asked in confusion.

"The way she misspelled the words," Mr. Russell continued, "made it seem like she wanted to spell them wrong…like she was doing it on purpose. Like, she spelled frog, f-r-o-g-g. I know Willa, and I know she's a very smart girl. And that's why I think she spelt it wrong intentionally. Has she mentioned not feeling challenged? Because if that's the case I could give her a more difficult spelling list. Or bonus words."

Addison sighed. "She's hardly saying two words to us. I don't know what she's thinking or feeling."

"To be honest, I wouldn't worry too much about it," Mr. Russell said. "Willa's a good kid. I'll give her some extra attention…it might help."

"That would be great," Addison said appreciatively. "Thank you."

"It's my pleasure," Mr. Russell smiled. "After all, kids like Willa are the reason I went into teaching."

xxxxx

Addison and Derek came home from their meeting with Mr. Russell to find Hannah in the living room playing with Carter and Colette.

"Hey," Hannah greeted Addison and Derek cautiously.

"What's wrong?" Addison asked immediately, registering the serious tone of Hannah's voice. "Willa?"

Hannah nodded.

"Willa won't stop crying," Carter informed his parents.

"And she won't play with me," Colette added.

"Is she in her room?" Derek asked.

"Yes," Colette nodded. "And she won't come out."

Addison and Derek exchanged a worried glance. "We should go check on her," Addison said decisively.

"I come too," Carter announced, standing up and walking over to his parents.

"Me too," Colette said, joining her brother and her parents.

"Why don't you two stay down here and play with Hannah?" Derek negotiated.

Carter and Colette looked at each other before both sighing heavily. "Okay," Carter agreed reluctantly.

Derek chuckled at his twins, before making his way up to Willa's room with Addison.

"Willa, honey," Addison said, knocking gently on Willa's bedroom door. "Willa?"

"You can come in," Willa sniffled from the other side of the door.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Derek asked, his heart breaking in two, as he opened the door to find his seven-year-old in hysterics.

"Willa," Addison said gently; and Derek swallowed hard as he registered the look of fear in his wife's eyes.

"I'm sorry," Willa bawled. "I'm so sorry."

"Sorry about what?" Addison asked, wrapping her arms around her sobbing daughter.

"I'm sorry," Willa repeated tearfully, shaking free of her mother's embrace, and handing Addison the spelling test she had gotten a 50 on.

"Oh, Willa, it's okay," Addison said comfortingly.

"I thought it would change things," Willa sobbed.

It, of course, hadn't. It didn't matter if she got a 100 on her test or a 50. Mr. Russell still wanted to see her alone, and his hand still ended up underneath her dress (the jeans and sweatshirt, like the failing test score, had done little to stop him).

"Willa, what are you talking about?" Derek asked in confusion. "What did you think it would change?"

"I'm sorry," Willa cried, purposely ignoring her father's question. "I should have done better."

"Willa, it's okay," Addison reassured her daughter. "We all have bad test-taking days."

"But I knew the answers," Willa sobbed. "I…I…I…"

"I know you did," Addison nodded. "And Daddy and I talked to Mr. Russell today, and he's going to-"

"Wait, what?" Willa interrupted. "You and Daddy saw Mr. Russell today?"

"We did," Derek nodded.

"Was he, was he mad?" Willa asked nervously.

"Of course not, Sweetie," Addison smiled. "He just wants to help you."

Willa nodded, a fresh round of tears spilling down her cheeks. "Don't talk to him again, okay?"

"Willa, we all just want to help you," Derek insisted, confused by his daughter's request.

"I don't need help," Willa lied. "I just…please don't talk to him."

"Why not?" Addison asked in confusion.

_Why not?_ Willa thought to herself. _Because he might get mad. Because he might hurt me worse. Because he told me not to say anything to you_.

But she couldn't tell her parents those things. So she sighed heavily, and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I don't know," she shrugged. "I don't know."

Sure, it was a lie; but there was also some truth embedded in it. Because she didn't know a lot of things. She didn't know why this was happening to her, or how she could make it stop. And she didn't know how much more of it she could take.

"I'll do better on the next test," she promised her parents.

"Willa, as long as you try your best, that's all we could ever ask for," Addison said gently.

"Then I'll try my best," Willa nodded, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

She sighed heavily. She knew that regardless of what she got on her tests, Mr. Russell was going to touch her where she didn't want him to touch her. But if she kept her grades up, she could at least keep her parents out of it.

_Don't tell mommy. Don't tell anyone. Don't tell. Don't tell. Don't tell._

xxxxx

"Maybe we should think about finding a therapist for Willa," Addison suggested, as she climbed into bed next to her husband, later that night.

"I don't know," Derek began. "That seems a little extreme, don't you think?"

Addison shook her head no. "Derek, something's clearly wrong," she reasoned. "And she's not talking to either of us about it. Maybe she'd be more willing to talk to a therapist."

"Maybe," Derek conceded.

He was about to say more, when Colette toddled into his and Addison's bedroom.

"Hey, Colette," he smiled, lifting his three-and-a-half-year-old up onto the bed. "Why aren't you asleep?"

Colette shifted a little, as she positioned herself in between her mother and her father. "I'm scared," she admitted.

"Monsters?" Derek asked knowingly.

"No," Colette said shaking her head. "Willa cried a lot today. Makes me sad. And scared."

"Oh, Sweetie," Addison said, pressing a kiss to Colette's temple. Truth be told, she was scared too – really scared. But she couldn't tell her toddler that.

"You know," Addison began, as she wrapped an arm around Colette, "when you were a baby, you cried a lot."

"I did?" Colette asked in surprise.

"You did," Addison nodded. "And Willa…well, she was really scared because you cried so much. It made her sad whenever you cried…just like you feel sad when you see Willa cry."

"Oh," Colette nodded, trying to follow her mother's line of reasoning.

"And when Willa told us that she got scared because you cried a lot, we told her not to worry, because you were just a baby, and you wouldn't always cry so much. Because you'd get bigger, and you'd cry less."

"I don't cry so much now," Colette told her mother proudly.

"I know you don't," Addison smiled. "And I guess what I'm trying to say is that we just need to give Willa some time, just like she gave you some time."

"So, Willa's not always gonna cry so much?" Colette asked in confusion.

"That right," Addison nodded. "She won't always cry so much. She's just been a little sad lately. But she's going to feel better soon."

"Really?" Colette asked hopefully.

"Really," Addison smiled, seriously hoping that she was telling her daughter the truth; because she, herself, wouldn't be able to handle it any other way. "We just need to give Willa a little time," Addison repeated. "Okay?"

"Okay," Colette nodded. She looked from her mother to her father. "Can I fall asleep in here?"

Addison and Derek exchanged a glance, and Addison gave her husband a slight nod. "Okay," Derek agreed with a smile. "And then I'll carry you back into your room when you fall asleep."

"Okay," Colette agreed, as she snuggled up against her mother.

It took all of five minutes for Colette to fall asleep. And as he watched his sleeping daughter, Derek couldn't help looking over at his wife and smiling. "You're amazing, you know that?" he complimented.

Addison shook her head in confusion.

"Just…the way you talked to Colette," Derek continued with a smile. "Not everyone could do that."

"Derek."

"No, I'm serious, Addison. The kids are lucky to have you. _I'm_ lucky to have you."

"I'm lucky to have you too," Addison smiled, leaning over her sleeping daughter and kissing her husband deeply. "I love you, Derek."

"I love you too, Honey."

Addison smiled at her husband's words. Because she knew he meant them. Just like she had meant everything she'd just said to him. And as she looked from her husband to her sleeping daughter, she couldn't help feeling lucky – she had a very good life. But there was still something bothering her. Something was going on with Willa, and she had no idea what it was.

"I'm worried about Willa too," Derek confessed vulnerably, as if reading Addison's thoughts.

Addison nodded mutely. "I just…I wish she'd talk to us, and tell us what's bothering her."

"I know," Derek agreed. "But maybe we should take the advice you just gave to Colette, and give Willa some time to come around."

"Maybe," Addison shrugged. But she couldn't fight the nagging feeling that maybe waiting it out wasn't the best option. Sure, it was good advice for Colette, but Addison wasn't quite sure if it was the right advice for her and Derek.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thank you so much for your nice feedback on the last chapter and on this story so far. I just want to preface this chapter by saying that it is probably the most graphic or explicit chapter of the story, and I just wanted to make sure that I gave you the disclaimer upfront. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. And as always, thanks so much for reading; I really appreciate it!

* * *

_Nothing you confess  
__Could make me love you less._

"You look exhausted," Alex noted, as he took in Addison's droopy eyes and defeated posture.

"Right back at you," Addison smirked, noting Alex's identical body language.

Alex sighed. "It's been a rough couple of weeks," he admitted. "Wyatt still hates the idea of having a baby sister. And I know that this type of behavior is common, but it's stressing me and Izzie out. I mean, Izzie's convinced that this is the universe's way of saying that she shouldn't have daughters. You know, because Hannah refused to meet her, and because Wyatt's refusing to accept the fact that he's getting a little sister. So, now Izzie's convinced that she's not meant to have daughters."

"But that's not true," Addison pointed out. "That makes no sense."

"I know," Alex agreed. "Izzie is going to be an amazing mother to our daughter. I just wish…I wish that Wyatt would make things easier on her. I mean, I love my son to death, but he can be so stubborn."

"I wonder where he gets that from," Addison teased. "Surely not from his father, who several years ago, was so intent on proving me wrong and getting himself off my service that he got me a lawsuit."

"Oh, shut it," Alex chuckled. "I thought we were past that. I mean, sure, I was stubborn, but you clearly won. Not only did I end up specializing in neonatal, you also gained me as a friend." He offered Addison his signature, crooked smile. "How lucky are you?"

Addison laughed, but quickly grew serious. "You know," she began swallowing hard. "I'd take what you and Izzie are going through with Wyatt in a heartbeat. Derek and I…we're running out of ideas and patience with Willa."

Alex looked at Addison sympathetically. "The therapy isn't working?"

Addison shook her head sadly. Over the past several weeks, she and Derek had sent Willa to several therapy sessions; and Willa hadn't spoken a word in any of them.

"She still won't speak to her therapist," Addison confided. "And she's becoming more and more withdrawn."

"How are her grades?" Alex asked

"They're slipping. And she doesn't seem to care. And Derek and I don't know how to make her care. I don't know…Derek and I think she may be depressed. We're considering putting her on a mild anti-depressant, but we'd prefer to know if there's something specific causing her depression before we prescribe that type of medicine to our seven-year-old."

Alex nodded slowly. In some ways Addison's description of Willa rang very familiar. It reminded him of his own childhood – how his father's abuse had caused him to withdraw; how grades suddenly didn't matter to him because he was facing bigger demons; how he felt like he couldn't say anything to anyone because he was small and his dad was big.

But at the same time, Addison's description of Willa confused him, because Willa' s home life was the exact opposite of his home life growing up. And yet so many of their behaviors were the same.

"Addison, if there's anything I can do," Alex began gently. "I could spend a couple hours with her. Maybe she'll talk to me."

"Thanks," Addison nodded. "She's actually spending some time with Mark after school today. Derek and I thought she might say something to him."

Alex nodded his head in approval. Willa and Mark had an amazing relationship. "That's a good idea," he said supportively.

"Yeah," Addison agreed, swallowing hard. "I really hope it works because, to be honest, I'm starting to run out of ideas."

xxxxx

"Willa, you've hardly touched your ice cream," Mark chided, gesturing to the chocolate sundae sitting in front of his niece. "How are we supposed to have an ice cream date if you don't eat your sundae?"

Willa shrugged; and Mark swallowed thickly. Ever since Willa had started kindergarten, he and Willa had monthly ice cream dates. He'd pick Willa up from school, and no matter how cold it was, the two of them would go for ice cream together. She'd tell him about school. He'd tell her about work. It was a tradition that he had come to look forward to as much as she did.

Earlier in the week, Addison and Derek had come to him asking if he could have an emergency ice cream date with Willa, because she still wasn't acting like herself, and they had hoped that maybe he'd be able to get through to her.

"So, how was school?" Mark asked.

Willa shrugged. "The same as always."

_Spelling…math…handwriting practice…Mr. Russell touching me…art…music…science…go home._

"So nothing exciting happened today?" Mark pressed.

"No."

Mark sighed. Addison and Derek had been right. Something was definitely wrong with Willa.

"Hey, Willa," he began gently. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah."

"Because if it's not, you can tell me." He smiled at his niece warmly. "You know, when you were about five-months-old, you and I made a deal that if you were ever in trouble, or if you were having some type of problem that you felt you couldn't talk to your mom and dad about, you could come to me. And we'd handle it together."

Willa swallowed hard. Her uncle's offer was so tempting. She wanted to take him up on it. But she couldn't. Because drowning out her uncle's words were other words –

_Don't tell Mommy. Don't tell anyone. They won't understand. They'll be mad at you. I'll be mad at you. So, don't tell anyone. Okay? Willa, do you understand?_

"Willa," Mark said gently, cutting into Willa's thoughts.

"I'm okay," Willa lied. "How was your day?" she asked, desperate to get the focus off her.

"It was okay," Mark said, giving his niece a forced smile. Willa was lying to him, and he knew it.

"The hospital cafeteria served some type of weird mystery meat," he went on, making his niece smile a little.

"Did you eat it?" Willa asked.

"Nah, I had one of my interns run down to the deli and pick me up a sandwich."

"Mommy doesn't like it when you do that," Willa reprimanded; and Mark felt himself relax a bit. There were still traces of his niece's sweet little personality.

Thirty minutes later, sundaes eaten, Mark and Willa made their way out of the ice cream parlor and into Mark's car.

"What are we doing here?" Willa asked in confusion when Mark stopped his car in front of Willa and Addison's favorite nail salon.

Mark smiled widely. "Your mom wanted to surprise you. She and Colette are inside. They want to get manicures with you."

"No," Willa insisted; and Mark turned around in his seat to see Willa in the back seat of his car trembling. "Tell them no," Willa repeated. "I want to go home."

"Willa, it'll be fun," Mark promised.

"No," Willa insisted, blinking back tears.

"Willa, you love getting your nails done," Mark said gently. "Why don't you want to get your nails done?"

Willa swallowed thickly. She knew her uncle said that she could come to him about anything, and that he wouldn't be mad. But not this. She couldn't tell him this.

"_We're going to try something new today," Mr. Russell told Willa with a smile._

_Willa nodded mutely. She'd reached the point where she no longer expected to go to lunch and recess with her classmates. She had reached the point where she automatically just went up to Mr. Russell's desk when he told the class that it was time for lunch and recess. She had reached the point where she stopped expecting things to change, because it had become routine._

_Nobody suspected a thing. Mr. Russell had told everyone that Willa was getting extra help in math during lunch time; and he was a teacher, so nobody questioned him._

"_You're going to make me very happy," Mr. Russell continued, as he unzipped his pants. "Here, give me your hand, and I'll show you what to do."_

_Willa choked back tears. "But I-" she stammered. "I don't want to," she squeaked out tearfully._

"_Willa," Mr. Russell scolded. "Give me your hand."_

_Willa hesitantly reached her hand out towards him._

"_Good," Mr. Russell smiled, taking Willa's hand in her own. "I like your nails, Willa," he complimented, as his eyes roamed over her polished, pale-pink fingernails._

"_Thank you," Willa said meekly._

_Mr. Russell grinned widely. "Okay, let me show you what to do."_

"Willa," Mark said, ripping his niece from her thoughts. "Why don't we just go inside the nail salon? Maybe you'll change your mind."

"No," Willa repeated, shaking her head.

"Come on, Willa," Mark encouraged. "You love getting your nails done."

Willa swallowed hard. "Please don't make me go in there," she begged, tears falling from her eyes. "I don't want to get my nails done."

Mark ran a hand through his hair. He had never been particularly good at saying no to Willa. And seeing his niece cry certainly wasn't making things any easier on him.

He met his niece's eyes. "You really, _really_ don't feel like getting your nails done?" he asked.

"I don't want to get my nails done," Willa confirmed. She looked at her uncle hopefully, as she continued to blink back tears. "Can we leave?"

Mark sighed heavily. He knew something was seriously bothering Willa; but she wasn't budging, and was refusing to tell him what was wrong.

"Please, Uncle Mark," Willa begged, cutting into Mark's thoughts.

"Okay," Mark finally agreed reluctantly. "I'll take you home to your dad and Carter."

xxxxx

Addison and Colette came home from the nail salon to find Derek, Willa, and Carter in the living room. Carter was sitting on the floor, playing with his toys. And Derek and Willa were sitting together on the couch, where Derek was doing his best to engage Willa in conversation.

"Willa," Colette pouted, as she walked up to her sister. "I wanted to get my nails done with you. But you never came."

"I didn't want to get my nails done," Willa told Colette flatly.

"But I wanted to get the same color as you," Colette continued.

"But I didn't want to get my nails done," Willa repeated in frustration.

"But I…" Colette trailed off sadly. "You don't want to have the same color nails as me?"

"No," Willa muttered, folding her arms across her chest, and glaring at Colette, who was biting her lower lip to keep herself from crying.

"Hey, I get it," Derek cut in with forced cheerfulness, doing his best to lighten the mood. "Sometimes you just don't feel like getting your nails done, right?"

"Wrong," Colette insisted.

"I never want to get my nails done," Carter chimed in, running up to his mother, and wrapping his little arms around her legs.

Addison chuckled as she reached down to pick her little boy up. "How was your day, Carter?" she asked her son. "Did you have fun at nursery school?"

"Yes," Carter smiled. "And I helped Daddy make dinner."

"You did?" Addison asked proudly.

Carter nodded. "Yup. We made pasghetti."

Addison smiled, as she held her son close. This was exactly what she needed. Willa was being difficult. Colette had viewed Willa not wanting to get her nails done as a personal attack against her, and was feeling sad. And Addison was very grateful to have her laid back son to help distract her from thinking about Willa's strange refusal to get her nails done, and the hostility and resentment that her daughters were currently feeling towards each other.

She placed Carter back down on the ground, and hugged her husband hello; and Derek swallowed thickly when he felt his wife's body tremble against his.

"Hey," Derek whispered soothingly, wrapping his arms more tightly around Addison. "It's gonna get better."

"How?" Addison asked flatly.

"I don't know," Derek admitted honestly, as he continued to hold Addison close.

"Derek, what if doesn't?" Addison whispered. "What if it doesn't get better?"

"Then we'll…" Derek trailed off, realizing that he didn't have an answer. Things with Willa had to get better. They _had_ to. "I don't know," he finally confessed vulnerably.

Addison took Derek's hand and led him across the room, out of their children's earshot. "What happened with her this afternoon?"

Derek shook his head sadly. "I don't know. Mark said that she didn't want to get her nails done. And that she was crying…and trembling. And he couldn't bear to see her so upset, so he brought her home."

Addison nodded, letting her husband's words sink in. "It just doesn't make sense," she said after a minute.

"I know it doesn't," Derek agreed. "And when I tried asking her about it, she just kept repeating that she didn't want to get her nails done. Over and over, like a broken record." He shook his head sadly. "Maybe we should look into those anti-depressants her psychiatrist was talking about."

"But just a mild dosage," Addison inserted quickly.

Derek nodded. He still wasn't sure if their daughter was clinically depressed, and wasn't thrilled by the idea of prescribing drugs unnecessarily.

"I'll look into it tomorrow," Addison said, resting her head against Derek's shoulder in defeat.

"Hey," Derek said, taking his wife's hand in his. "We're going to get through this. We are," he repeated when he noticed his wife's doubtful expression. "Because we're Addison-and-Derek. Actually, we're better than Addison-and-Derek. We're Addison-and-Derek, and Willa, Carter, and Colette."

Addison sighed. As much as she wanted to believe Derek, she was worried. She was worried that maybe being Addison-and-Derek (and Willa, Carter, and Colette) wouldn't be enough.

xxxxx

"Hey, Willa," Addison smiled, as she walked into Willa's bedroom later that night to find Willa sitting at her desk, concentrating on the books and papers in front of her.

"What are you doing?" Addison asked her daughter curiously.

"Math homework," Willa responded without looking up.

"Oh," Addison nodded, as she sat down on her daughter's bed. "Do you need any help?"

"No. It's not very hard."

"Oh. Okay. You know, Colette and I missed you today at the nail salon," Addison began. And she watched as Willa's posture shifted, her back visibly tensing up at her mother's words.

"I didn't feel like getting my nails done," Willa said flatly, for what felt like the millionth time.

"Why not?" Addison asked.

"Because I just didn't."

"But you love getting your nails done," Addison pressed.

"But I don't anymore," Willa snapped, whipping around in her chair to face her mother, anger flashing in her eyes. "Stop asking me all these questions."

"Sweetheart, I'm asking because I love you, and because I'm worried," Addison explained, taken aback by the tone of her daughter's voice.

"But I'm fine," Willa insisted, folding her arms across her chest.

"Are you sure you're fine?" Addison asked disbelievingly.

Willa looked at her mother closely. Maybe she could tell her mom. Maybe her mom would believe her. Maybe her mom could help her. But those thoughts were quickly replaced by other ones.

_Don't tell mommy. Don't tell anyone. They won't believe you. Bad things will happen if you tell. So bad, I can't even tell you._

"I'm fine," Willa lied.

Addison sighed heavily. "You don't seem fine."

Willa shrugged and returned to her math homework.

"I mean, you don't like doing a lot of the things that you used to like to do," Addison continued. "And you hardly play with your brother and sister anymore. And for a little girl who's almost always in a good mood, you've been very angry this past month. And-"

"Stop!" Willa interrupted, turning to face her mother. "Stop it! Stop saying that! Stop saying all those things! I'm fine!"

"No," Addison shot back. "You're not fine. And I'm saying all these things because I love you."

Willa swallowed hard, tears sting her eyes. "Get out."

Addison shook her head. "Not this time, Willa."

"I said get out!"

"No."

"Get out of my room now!"

"Hey, what's with all the yelling?" Derek asked in concern, as he joined Addison in Willa's room.

Willa looked from her father to her mother, anger flashing in her eyes. "Get out of my room now!"

"No," Addison breathed. "I'm not getting out. I'm standing my ground."

"_We're_ standing our ground," Derek echoed quietly, his hand finding Addison's and squeezing it reassuringly.

"Fine, then I'll get out," Willa insisted, as she tried to push past her parents. "You stay, I'll go."

"Stop," Derek said, stepping in front of his daughter, and blocking the doorway. "I get that you're angry. I get that you're frustrated. But walking away isn't going to solve anything. Trust me. I know."

Willa nodded, letting her father's words sink in, as she blinked back tears.

"Talk to us, Willa," Derek urged his daughter gently. "Or if it'd be easier to just talk to your mom, that's fine too. But quitting and walking away isn't an option."

"Okay," Willa nodded.

"Good," Derek breathed. "So…" he trailed off, waiting for Willa to tell him and Addison what was bothering her.

Willa shrugged. "I really need to do my math homework."

Addison and Derek exchanged an exasperated glance over their daughter's head. They weren't making any progress.

"Willa," Addison began, "Daddy and I just want to –"

"Mommy," Willa cut in. "I really, _really_ need to do my math homework."

Addison sighed and checked her wristwatch. Truth be told, it was getting close to Willa's bedtime, and she didn't want her daughter staying up too late.

"Okay," Addison nodded. "But let's talk about this more tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," Willa agreed, breathing a sigh of relief. Her parents were finally leaving her room. The questions were finally ending…until tomorrow.

She wanted to tell them what was happening so badly. But she knew she couldn't.

_Bad things will happen if you tell. To you. To your sister and brother. To your whole family._

Willa knew she couldn't take that chance. She loved her family more than anything; and she'd do everything in her power to make sure that nothing bad happened to them. Even if it meant that something bad had to happen to her.

xxxxx

"So how's nursery decorating going?" Lexie asked Izzie, as they sat together in the hospital cafeteria, the next day.

"Almost done," Izzie beamed.

"Well, I can't wait to see it," Lexie smiled.

Izzie nodded. "It came together pretty easily. The only thing we have left to do is putting her initials on the wall over her crib."

"Have you and Alex settled on a name for her yet?" Lexie asked, raising an eyebrow. Last she'd heard they hadn't.

Izzie shook her head. "No. We're still torn between Harper and Sophie. We asked Wyatt which name he liked better, but he's still refusing to accept the fact that he's going to have a little sister." Izzie gave Lexie a teasing smirk. "Words of wisdom…make your son an only child."

Lexie laughed. "Even though Wyatt's making an awfully good case for that, I don't think so. Mark wants three kids. I do too. Kids need siblings."

"I wish Wyatt would realize that," Izzie muttered dryly. "Although," she began, "I really shouldn't complain. I worked with Derek this morning, and he looks exhausted. Apparently things with Willa aren't getting any better."

Lexie nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, I was talking to Addison briefly this morning, and you can just tell she's tired and frustrated."

"Who's tired and frustrated?" Alex asked, sitting down next to his wife.

"The Shepherds," Izzie answered.

"Mark told me last night that Willa started trembling and shaking when he dropped her off at the nail salon yesterday," Lexie confided in a hushed whisper. "She refused to get her nails done. He actually had to bring her home."

"What?" Alex asked in surprise. That certainly didn't sound like Willa. Willa loved getting her nails done. What could have changed?

And for the second time in a matter of days, Alex couldn't help thinking about his own childhood. Very few people knew that Alex had loved music as a kid. Very few people knew that he actually had a really good voice. Because he rarely sang. He had given up on music when he was twelve-years-old, because his father was a musician, and music reminded him of his father. So, he wanted nothing to do with it.

To this day, he couldn't hear certain familiar chord progressions without feeling nauseous…because they reminded him of his old man. He sighed heavily. Maybe Willa's situation wasn't the same thing. But there was something about Willa's situation that was striking a chord with him. He just couldn't put his finger on why.

"Earth to Alex," Izzie cut in, ripping Alex from his thoughts.

"Huh?" Alex asked in confusion.

"Are you still with us?" Izzie giggled.

"I, uh, I've got to go," Alex stammered, standing up and kissing his wife on the cheek. "I'll see you later."

Izzie watched her husband's retreating form for a moment before turning her attention to Lexie. "Okay, is it just me, or is he acting…"

"Weird?" Lexie filled in.

"Yes," Izzie nodded.

Lexie shook her head. "It's not just you. He's definitely acting weird."

xxxxx

Alex swallowed hard, as he knocked on the door to Addison and Derek's house. In all honesty, he wasn't completely sure what he was doing there. But he had a nagging suspicion, and he couldn't ignore it.

A young, blonde woman came to the door, and opened it slightly. _Hannah._ "Can I help you?" Hannah asked.

For a moment, Alex was speechless. He was standing face to face with his wife's daughter…his son's half-sister.

"Um, excuse me?" Hannah said, cutting into Alex's thoughts. "Can I help you?"

"Uh, hi," Alex stammered. "Hi. I'm Alex Karev. I-"

"Oh," Hannah nodded as she let Alex inside. "So, you're the Alex of Aunt Izzie and Uncle Alex?"

"Guilty," Alex nodded.

"Colette's told me all about you. Apparently, she's going to marry your son."

Alex chuckled at that.

"Look," Hannah said gently, "I know you and Izzie mean a lot to The Shepherds, but if you're here to convince me to meet your wife, well…that's something I don't want to do. And I'm asking that you respect that."

"That's not why I'm here," Alex said quickly.

"Oh? Then why are you here?"

"I'm worried about Willa," Alex said quietly.

Hannah nodded in sympathy. "I am too. We all are."

"I just," Alex stammered. "I think she may be getting abused."

Hannah's eyes widened in horror. "What? Are you, are you sure?"

"No, I'm not sure. It's just a nagging feeling that I have." He met Hannah's eyes. "I think you should talk to her."

"What?" Hannah asked in surprise. "Me? Why me?"

"You're young. You're kind of like an older sister to Willa. I think she'll feel more comfortable relating to you."

"But she's only known me a little over a month," Hannah pointed out.

"And Addison says she adores you," Alex concluded. "Look, I can talk to her if you want. But I'm telling you, you're the better option here."

"Are you sure?" Hannah asked nervously. "Maybe Addison and Derek should talk to her."

"Addison and Derek are already worried enough. And I'm not sure that she's being abused," Alex explained. "I don't want to worry them more unnecessarily."

"Okay," Hannah nodded. "I'll do it. But, uh, Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you maybe stay here while I talk to her? You know, just in case."

Alex nodded. "I couldn't imagine being anywhere else right now."

Hannah took a deep breath, and looked over at Alex; and he gave her a reassuring nod.

"Just be discrete," he advised. "For all we know, she may not be being abused. So be tactful, and don't push too hard."

"Okay," Hannah breathed before making her way up the stairs toward Willa's room. But as she reached Willa's room, Hannah noticed that Willa wasn't in there.

"Willa?" she called out in concern, swallowing hard when she heard muffled crying coming from the bathroom.

"Willa?" she said gently, knocking on the door. "Is everything okay?"

"I, uh..." Willa trailed off tearfully.

"Hey, Willa, is it okay for me to come in?" Hannah asked gently.

"I…I guess," Willa said weakly.

Hannah opened the bathroom door, and felt her heart sink in her chest as she took in Willa's tear-stained face…the pure look of terror in her eyes.

"Willa, what's wrong?" Hannah asked in concern.

Willa shook her head sadly. "I…uh…"

"Willa, whatever it is, I'm not going to be mad," Hannah promised. "You can trust me."

Willa's heart was beating wildly. She was terrified. And even though she knew she couldn't say anything to Hannah, she needed to show her something…something that frightened her beyond belief.

"I, I can trust you?" Willa asked tentatively.

"You can trust me," Hannah said reassuringly.

"Promise?"

"I promise," Hannah nodded. "I swear on both of our future medical licenses."

Willa nodded slowly.

"Hannah," she said quietly, after a moment. "I'm bleeding."

"You're bleeding?" Hannah asked in confusion. "What? Where? Your hands? Your legs?"

"No," Willa said, shaking her head. She lowered her voice. "I have blood on my panties."

Hannah swallowed thickly. Willa was only seven-years-old, and tiny. It couldn't be menstrual blood. Which meant that Alex was most likely right.

"Are you hurting?" Hannah asked gently.

Willa nodded vulnerably. "A little." She looked at Hannah worriedly. "Am I dying?"

"No, Sweetheart," Hannah breathed. "You're not dying. You're…" she trailed off, unsure how to complete that sentence. She met Willa's eyes. "Willa, how did this happen?"

Willa hesitated. "I…I can't tell you."

"Okay," Hannah nodded. "But if you want to talk to me, you can. Because I just want to make sure that you're okay."

"I'm okay," Willa lied. "Can you help me get the blood out of my panties?" she asked, slipping off her lavender underpants. "I don't want Mommy and Daddy to see."

Hannah felt tears prick her eyes, as she took in Willa's bloodstained panties. She hadn't fully bought into Alex's claim before, but now she was almost positive that he was right. And it was worse than either of them had thought.

"Willa," she began softly. "Is somebody hurting you?"

"What?" Willa asked, a mixture of surprise and relief playing on her features.

_Don't tell Mommy. Don't tell anyone._

"I…" Willa squeaked out, tears falling from her eyes.

_They won't understand. So, don't tell, okay?_

"It's okay, Willa," Hannah said gently. "You can trust me. There's nothing you can say that'll make me angry."

_They'll be angry with you. I'll be angry with you. No one will believe you anyway._

"I…" Willa trailed off hesitantly, her pale blue-green eyes meeting Hannah's brown ones.

_Don't tell Mommy. Don't tell Daddy. Don't tell anyone. Don't tell. Don't tell._

"It's okay, Willa," Hannah said softly. "You can tell me." She looked at Willa compassionately. "Is somebody hurting you?"

Willa bit her lip, her eyes misting over with tears. "Yes," she said quietly…almost inaudibly.

Hannah nodded slowly, fighting back all of the emotions that were coursing through her body. "Okay," she said quietly. "It's okay."

Willa shook her head shamefully, as the tears began to stream down her face.

"It's okay, Willa," Hannah repeated soothingly, as she gently stroked Willa's dark hair. "This isn't your fault. Nobody's going to be mad at you. It isn't your fault."

Willa shook her head again, and Hannah could tell that the little girl didn't believe her.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Hannah asked delicately.

"No," Willa choked out, as fresh wave of tears ran down her cheeks.

"Okay," Hannah said softly. "That's okay.

Willa sniffled. "I…I want my mommy."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thank you so much for your kind feedback on the last chapter. I know it was heavy. I also just want to state more explicitly that my purpose for writing about sexual abuse isn't to exploit or glorify it, but to show how the family that I created responds to and rallies from such a horrible act. I hope that this is clear in my writing, but I have gotten a couple of reviews expressing concern; and since it is never my intention to upset people with my writing, I just wanted to be more upfront about the role that I see sexual abuse playing in my story.

Anyway, here's the next chapter. I hope you like it, and as always, thanks so much for reading!

* * *

_Take me in, into your darkest hour_

Addison sat alone on the bench outside the hospital, doing her best to keep her composure. Alex had called and told her that he and Hannah were bringing Willa to see her, and that she should clear her schedule. He didn't give her details. He didn't have to. Addison knew it was bad.

She looked up to see Willa, Hannah, and Alex making their way towards her. Willa was clutching Hannah's hand tightly, her eyes red and puffy. And Hannah and Alex wore matching solemn expressions, both of their faces sheet white.

"What's going on?" Addison asked in concern as she rushed towards her daughter. She hugged Willa tightly, and swallowed thickly; Willa's tiny body was trembling against hers, her daughter's hot tears were soaking through her blouse.

She looked up at Hannah and Alex, tears in her own eyes. "What happened?"

"Addison," Alex began gently, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "She's being abused."

"No," Addison breathed in disbelief. "No. What? She…no. By who?"

Hannah shook her head. "We don't know. She won't tell us. She wants you."

"I…" Addison choked out, as she held her daughter close. She took a deep breath, silently commanding herself to regain her composure. Right now, Willa needed her; and she couldn't fall apart.

"Hey, Willa," Addison began gently. "Why don't you and I sit down on the bench together, just the two of us; does that sound okay?"

Willa nodded tearfully, and Addison carried her daughter over to the bench.

Once they were alone, and both somewhat composed, Addison met her daughter's tear-filled, blue-green eyes. "Someone's been hurting you, haven't they?"

Willa nodded timidly. "Yeah."

Addison nodded slowly, fighting the urge to cry…fighting the urge to scream…fighting the urge to curse the sick bastard who had caused her daughter so much pain.

"Sweetheart," Addison began gently. "Can you tell mommy what happened?"

Willa looked at her mother hesitantly.

"It's okay," Addison said reassuringly. "You can tell me. I'm on your side. I'm always on your side."

"I…uh…" Willa stammered. "I can't. If I tell, bad things will happen. To me. To Carter and Colette. To everyone I love."

Addison shook her head, biting down on her lip to stop herself from crying. "Nothing bad is going to happen," she promised. "I won't let anything bad happen to you…or to Carter or Colette. Or to anyone we love."

Willa nodded, slightly comforted by her mother's words.

"It's okay," Addison encouraged. "You can tell me."

Willa swallowed hard, her eyes connecting with her mother's, as she internally debated whether or not she should say something.

"You can tell me, Willa," Addison soothed. "You can tell me anything."

Willa nodded slowly, taking in the look of reassurance in her mother's eyes. "I, uh…Mr. Russell. He, he's been touching me…where he isn't supposed to touch me. And he told me not to say anything. But today…he…he really hurt me. And I have blood on my panties."

"Oh, Willa," Addison breathed, doing her best to keep her composure. As much as she wanted to scream and cry and vomit, she knew she had to be strong for her daughter – her daughter who was being sexually abused by her second grade teacher.

"I'm so sorry, Willa," Addison whispered.

"There's more," Willa said quietly.

"Okay," Addison nodded, gently wiping the tears from her daughter's cheeks, as she struggled against her own tears. "I want to hear everything."

"Okay," Willa nodded, a small wave of relief washing over her – her mom believed her, her mom didn't hate her, her mom wanted to help her. She met her mother's eyes. "He made me touch him where I know I'm not supposed to." She closed her eyes, heavy teardrops sliding down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Mommy."

"No, Willa," Addison said softly, her heart ripping in two. "You have nothing to be sorry about. This isn't your fault. You know that, right?"

"I…" Willa trailed off quietly.

"Willa, this isn't your fault," Addison repeated gently. She pressed a kiss to her daughter's temple, and held her close. "I'm sorry this happened to you, Willa."

"I don't want him to touch me anymore."

"No," Addison breathed. "He won't. I'll make sure of that."

"I…I…I don't want…" Willa choked out; but her words dissolved into desperate sobs.

"It's okay, Willa," Addison soothed, cradling her daughter in her lap. "It's okay," she repeated – even though it wasn't – as she held Willa close, as Willa continued to cry uncontrollably.

Addison's heart was breaking. She wanted to say something comforting to her daughter; but there were no words of comfort for something like this. She wanted to tell her daughter not to cry; but she couldn't. Because Willa had every right to cry about what had happened to her. So Addison did the only thing she could do – she put her own need to break down and cry on hold for the time being, and held her daughter close, as Willa cried about things that no seven-year-old – or no person, for that matter – should ever have to cry about.

xxxxx

Derek hurriedly made his way towards his wife's office. He had just scrubbed out of surgery to find a page from Addison that read, _911. Meet me in my office ASAP_. Derek had no idea what to expect. But he knew that Addison wasn't one to over exaggerate, so her page had him worried.

"Addison," he said, knocking on her door, noting that the blinds were closed, and the door was locked. "Addison."

She opened the door, and Derek's heart sunk in his chest as he took in her appearance. Her eyes were hollow, her shoulders slumped, she looked like she was going to be sick; she looked like she need to cry or scream or throw something, but it also looked as though she wasn't allowing herself to do so.

"Addie," he said gently, wrapping his arms around her, feeling her body tremble against his in fear. "Addison? What's going on?"

Addison motioned to where Willa was lying, asleep on her office couch. "She's being abused, Derek," she whispered, the words tasting like tin as they came out of her mouth. "She's being sexually abused."

"What?" Derek choked out in disbelief. "Addison, no. Addison..."

"By Mr. Russell," Addison continued hoarsely.

"What?" Derek breathed in horrified shock. "But I…I always thought…" Derek trailed off, feeling the vomit rising in his chest.

"He seemed like a good man," Addison nodded. "But trust me; Willa's not lying about this. The things she told me…the things she knew…they were way too technical for her to have just made it up. She's telling the truth."

Derek nodded sadly, knowing that his wife was right. And now that he thought about it, there were tell-tale signs that he should have picked up on. "What did he do to her?" Derek asked weakly, unsure that he was ready to hear the answer.

"He, uh," Addison stammered, tears building in her eyes. "He touched her. And he, uh, he made her touch him."

Derek's face crumpled at the thought of his daughter – his sweet, innocent daughter – being in that type of situation. "Did he, did he penetrate her?" Derek choked out, hot tears stinging his eyes.

"With his finger. She started bleeding today…and that's kind of how the whole thing unraveled. She went to Hannah about the blood on her panties, and from there everything just sort of came out, I guess." She met her husband's eyes, finally giving in to the tears that she had been so valiantly holding back. "Derek, how could I have let this happen?"

Derek swallowed hard. He wanted to tell Addison that this wasn't her fault – because it wasn't. But he was having a hard time getting the words out, because he too felt guilty – like he had failed his daughter.

"I should have seen the signs," Addison choked out hoarsely. "I've treated several women who have been raped or sexually abused. I should have known. And I'm her mom. I should have known."

"Addison," Derek breathed, still struggling to get words out. "No. I…I'm her dad. It's my job to keep her safe. And I didn't…" he trailed off, his eyes misting over with tears.

Derek swallowed thickly. They were talking at each other. Because engaging each other in a conversation was too difficult. He didn't have the words. And neither did she.

But he could hold her. And she could hold him.

So he wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her into his chest, as she clung to him tightly.

He had no idea how long they'd been standing that way, when a light tapping sounded at Addison's office door.

Addison reluctantly moved out of her husband's embrace to answer the door, to find Alex there with two police officers.

"They need to talk to you," Alex said quietly, stating the obvious. "You, Willa, and Derek."

Addison nodded, and Alex turned to walk away, leaving Derek, Addison, and a sleeping Willa alone with the two officers.

"Dr. Shepherd," the first police officer addressed Addison. "I just want to let you know that we are taking this case very seriously, and that we've set up an investigation. We, uh, we of course need to talk to you and your husband, and uh…" he trailed off, consulting his notes, "Willa. We need to talk to Willa."

Addison nodded slowly, and looked over at her office couch where Willa was still sleeping peacefully. Willa had cried until she had no tears left to shed, and then she cried some more until she eventually wore herself out and fell asleep.

"Can you talk to me and my husband first?" Addison asked. She gestured towards her sleeping daughter. "I don't want to wake her."

The first officer looked over at his partner, who gave him a slight nod. "Okay," the first officer agreed. "Why don't you both come with me?"

"And leave her here? Alone?" Addison looked over at Willa, and shook her head. "I can't."

"Mrs. Shepherd," the first officer reasoned. "I know that this-"

But he was cut off by Derek. "Why don't you talk to me first," Derek suggested, knowing there was no way in hell that Addison was letting Willa out of her sight for even a second.

"That'll be fine," the second officer agreed.

"Okay," Derek nodded. "I can take you to my office," he offered.

The two officers agreed, and Addison watched their retreating forms before sitting down on the couch next to her sleeping daughter. And as she watched Willa, she began to tear up at the thought of Mr. Russell sexually abusing her sweet, caring, innocent daughter. Willa must have been so scared.

And Addison hated herself for being completely oblivious; for chalking Willa's behavior up to tantrums and brattiness; for not protecting her daughter when she needed it most. She felt like the world's worst mother. But she knew she couldn't think about herself right now…not with all that Willa was going through. She could think about herself later. Right now, the important thing was being there for Willa in whatever way she could. And, right now, that meant being by Willa's side while she slept, and being there for her daughter when she woke up and would, once again, have to face reality.

xxxxx

Alex walked out of the hospital, hot tears stinging his eye, as he felt the early October Seattle breeze against his face. Sure, he was still supposed to be at work, but he couldn't focus. He needed to get away from everything.

Child abuse cases always hit him hard. Unsurprising, given his past. But this tore his heart in two. Willa was his family. She had been a big part of his life these past seven years; and he had been a big part of hers.

He made his way towards the bench outside the hospital – the same bench that Willa and Addison had sat on together, hours earlier – and was surprised to find Hannah sitting there, nervously twirling her hair around her finger.

"I didn't realize you were still here," Alex said softly, as he sat down on the bench next to Hannah.

"I, uh, yeah," Hannah stammered, meeting Alex's eyes. "I guess I wasn't ready to leave and go back to school yet."

Alex nodded in understanding. "Hey, if you don't feel like going back to school tonight, you could always stay at our place."

"I don't think so," Hannah said, shaking her head. "Sorry," she muttered. "That was rude of me. What I meant to say was thank you. But that's okay. I'm fine."

"Okay," Alex shrugged. "Just know the offer still stands."

"Thank you," Hannah nodded.

They sat there in silence for a moment before Hannah spoke up. "Do Addison and Derek need someone to watch Carter and Colette tonight?"

Alex shook his head. "No. Izzie and I will take care of it."

"Oh. Okay," Hannah nodded, as she and Alex fell into another uncomfortable silence.

"How did you know?" Hannah asked after a minute. "How did you know she was being abused?"

Alex ran a hand through his hair, uncomfortably. "Let's just say I know a thing or two about being abused."

Hannah looked at Alex in surprise. "You?" she breathed.

Alex nodded. "As a kid. Physically, never sexually. But I recognized a lot of the same signs in Willa."

"Oh," Hannah said quietly. "She's lucky to have you, Alex."

Alex shook his head modestly. "You were the one who was able to get her talking. She's lucky to have you."

"Thanks," Hannah smiled. "But I was actually talking about Izzie. I may not be ready to meet her, but I've always wanted good things for her. And you're a good thing, Alex. You're a very good thing."

xxxxx

Mark sat in Alex and Izzie's kitchen, and fiddled with the slice of pizza in front of him. He had absolutely no appetite, but everyone else was eating (or trying to eat), and he didn't want to be rude.

He looked over at Wyatt, Carter, and Colette, who had all already eaten their pizza, and who were now playing together happily. And he had to admit he envied them. They had no idea what had happened to Willa. They were kids; it was their job to be carefree.

He felt Lexie reach for his hand underneath the table, and rub it soothingly; and he looked over at her, and gave her a weak smile. To be honest, he was surprised he had been able to muster a smile because everything inside him hurt…a raw pain that refused to go away.

The thought of that bastard sexually abusing Willa made him sick to stomach. Sure, Mark loved all of the Shepherd children, but he and Willa had a special bond. She was his little buddy. And the thought of that sick, twisted teacher molesting his niece made his blood boil. Truth be told, it did more than that.

"I heard that the police tracked down Willa's teacher," Izzie said, cutting into Mark's thoughts. "Apparently, he was teaching under a fake name. And when they looked up his real name, they found out that he's not exactly new to this kind of thing."

"He's done this before?" Lexie asked in disgust.

"Yes and no," Izzie answered. "He was never formally charged for sexually abusing a child, but he'd been labeled as a potential sexual predator. Apparently he's dabbled in some twisted stuff involving children."

"It's not fair," Mark muttered angrily. "Why Willa?" He shook his head sadly. "I mean, nobody should ever have to go through what Willa went through. But why her? Why Willa? She's such a good kid."

Alex sighed heavily. "She really is a good kid. She was the one who actually made me realize that I wanted to be a parent."

"Me too," Mark and Lexie echoed in unison.

"Hey, do you remember the day she was born?" Mark asked.

Alex chuckled weakly. "And how Addison spent twenty-four hours in labor with her."

"Yeah," Izzie nodded. "To this day, she still won't let Derek forget that."

"Yeah, but she'd also be the first to tell you that it was worth every excruciating second," Lexie added, thinking back to the response that Addison had a given her a couple of days ago, when she had confided in Addison that she was worried about giving birth.

Alex nodded in agreement, well used to hearing Addison say similar things to their patients, whenever they expressed fears about labor and giving birth.

"Willa's going to be okay, right?" Mark asked vulnerably, bringing the conversation back to a more somber place. "And Addison and Derek…they're, they're gonna be okay too, right?"

He wanted to believe that the Shepherd family would get through this. But his mind kept wandering back to the way that Addison, Derek, and Willa had looked when they'd left the hospital to go home, just a few hours ago. Addison was holding Willa, doing her best to shield her daughter from the prying stares of inquisitive nurses and doctors. Derek, still in his scrubs, had his arm wrapped protectively around Addison's waist, his eyes fixed resolutely in front of him as if he had one mission – getting his daughter and his wife out of the hospital. Of course, Alex was shooing away nosey doctors and nurses, telling them to mind their own business, and give the Shepherds some space. And ordinarily, Mark would be right there with Alex, telling those doctors and nurses to back the hell off; but he couldn't take his eyes off the Shepherds. Willa's face was buried in Addison's shoulder, so he couldn't really see her. But the looks on Addison and Derek's faces haunted him.

"They're gonna get through this, right?" Mark choked out again.

Izzie swallowed hard, seeing just how torn up Mark was. Sure, they were all devastated, but Mark was taking it particularly hard.

"They're gonna get through this, Mark," Izzie reassured her friend. "Addison and Derek are strong. And so is Willa. And they're going to get through this. They will. It might take a while. And that's where we come in. We'll help them get through it…in whatever way we can."

Mark nodded, feeling slightly comforted. He was about to respond, when the doorbell rang.

Izzie looked at Alex questioningly. "We're not expecting anyone, are we?"

Alex shook his head. "Not that I know of. I'll be right back," he said, standing up from the table and making his way towards the front door.

He opened the door, and his eyes widened in surprise when he saw Hannah standing there in front of him.

"Does the offer still stand?" Hannah asked, fiddling with the collar of her jacket nervously.

Alex smiled at Hannah warmly. "Of course it does. Come on in."

"Thanks," Hannah breathed, as Alex let her inside.

"No problem." Alex looked closely at the young woman who had really come through for Willa and the Shepherds today. "Are you okay?" he asked in concern.

Hannah shrugged. "I, uh, I went back to my dorm…and I just, I couldn't stop thinking about Willa…and Addison. And how today, the only thing that Willa wanted was her mom. And it made me think about my own life…and how maybe I'm being stubborn. Because, at the end of the day, I want Izzie to be part of my life. If she still wants to be a part of it," Hannah added quickly.

Alex's eyes softened. "She still wants to be a part of your life," he reassured Hannah. "In whatever way you'll let her, she wants to be a part of it."

Hannah nodded, a small smile coming to her face.

"Do you want me to get her for you?" Alex asked.

Hannah remained quiet for a moment, before nodding her head. "Yeah. I, I'd like that."

"Okay," Alex smiled. "Why don't you wait here…make yourself comfortable, and I'll go get her."

"Okay," Hannah nodded, as Alex made his way back into the kitchen.

When he reached the kitchen, he found his wife and his friends still sitting around the kitchen table. Wyatt was sitting on Izzie's lap, Mark was holding Carter, and Lexie was holding Colette. He made his way over to where Izzie was sitting, doing his best to be discrete.

"Hey, Iz," he said, sitting down next to his wife and locking eyes with her. "There's someone here to see you."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Thank you so much for your feedback on the last chapter, and on this story so far. I really value and appreciate your feedback! Here's the next chapter; I hope you like it! And as always, thanks so much for reading!

* * *

_Well, I'm a lot like you_

As Izzie walked into the living room, she had to pinch herself to make sure that she wasn't dreaming, because there, sitting on her living room couch, was the daughter that she had given up for adoption over nineteen years ago. Admittedly, Hannah looked uncomfortable; but she was there. And at the end of the day, that's what mattered.

Sure, it had been several years since Izzie had last caught a glimpse of Hannah through the window of Hannah's hospital room, and Hannah looked significantly different all these years later; but Izzie would have recognized her anywhere.

And suddenly, all the things that she was worried about – Hannah resenting her, Hannah resenting her current pregnancy, Hannah wanting nothing to do with her – didn't seem to matter. She was standing face to face with her daughter, and she was speechless.

"You're beautiful," Izzie finally choked out, as she moved closer to her daughter. She shook her head apologetically. "Sorry. I'm sure you get that all the time."

Hannah shook her head modestly. "I'm, uh, I'm sorry for just coming over unannounced. It's just with everything that's happened today, I…I don't know."

"You don't have to apologize for coming here," Izzie insisted. "I'm happy you're here."

"I am too," Hannah admitted, a slight smile coming to her face.

"You know," Izzie began with a nervous chuckle, "I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to say or do. They make it look a lot easier in the movies. But, um, I'd love to know more about you…if you want to tell me about yourself, of course. Or if you have any questions for me, I could, uh, I could tell you anything you want to know."

Hannah nodded slowly, trying to decide where to begin. "I guess one thing you should know about me is that I'm pre-med. I want to work in pediatrics. I always wanted younger siblings…and from what I've heard, I have one. Or almost two, I guess," Hannah amended, glancing at Izzie's stomach.

"Yeah," Izzie laughed. "I guess you do. You have a brother named Wyatt, who's almost three, and a sister who should be here in a month and a half." She looked at Hannah hesitantly. "Do you want to meet Wyatt?"

Hannah smiled. "I do."

A small smile played on Izzie's features. And then, as if on cue, Wyatt came running into the living room with Carter and Colette.

"I hear Hannah," Colette insisted. "I hear Hannah."

"Me too," Carter echoed. "Hannah!" he exclaimed, when he saw Hannah sitting with Izzie in the living room.

"Hi guys," Hannah smiled, as she lifted Carter onto her lap.

"Hi, Hannah," Carter grinned, wrapping his little arms around his babysitter.

Colette looked between Hannah and her aunt inquisitively, as if trying to figure out the connection between the two. "Hannah, you know my Aunt Izzie?" the little girl asked finally.

Hannah and Izzie exchanged a glance, and Hannah gave Colette a wide smile. "Your Aunt Izzie and I go way back," Hannah explained; and Izzie couldn't help chuckling at Hannah's choice of wording.

"Oh," Colette nodded approvingly.

"Wyatt," Izzie said, motioning her son closer. "This is Hannah. Can you say hi to Hannah?"

"Hi, Hannah," Wyatt smiled.

"Hi, Wyatt," Hannah grinned. "It's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," Wyatt responded. "Want to come to my birthday party? I'm gonna be three."

"It's next weekend," Izzie explained quickly. "We'd love it if you could make it, but obviously, don't feel pressured to come."

"Please come, Hannah," Carter insisted.

"Yeah, please come," Wyatt echoed.

Hannah looked at Izzie hesitantly. "I wouldn't be intruding?"

"Never," Izzie insisted vehemently. "But you don't have to feel obligated to say yes."

"I hope you come, Hannah," Colette pleaded, looking up at Hannah with her pale, blue-green eyes.

Hannah glanced at Izzie, and Izzie nodded encouragingly. "We'd love to have you," Izzie smiled.

"Thank you," Hannah said sincerely, before turning her attention to Wyatt, Carter, and Colette, and offering them a wide smile. "I'd love to come to your birthday party, Wyatt. Thanks so much for inviting me."

Wyatt clapped his hands together excitedly, and Hannah couldn't help giggling; her half-brother was undeniably adorable.

"So, Wyatt," she began with a grin. "Colette tells me that you're going to marry her one day."

"I am," Wyatt insisted proudly.

"But not until after med. school," Carter said, looking at both his sister and Wyatt pointedly.

Hannah laughed, and met Izzie's eyes – the exact same warm, brown shade as her own eyes. She had to admit, something about this felt right. Sure, her parents would always be the people who raised her. They would always be her family. But this felt right too. And she had to admit, she liked the idea of seeing more of Izzie, Alex, and Wyatt.

xxxxx

Addison sighed heavily as she watched Derek set the table for dinner. Truth be told, she wasn't hungry; but Mark had ordered a pizza for them, figuring that after everything that she, Derek, and Willa had been through today, food was the last thing on their minds.

Addison stared at the bottle of merlot sitting on the kitchen counter. Sure, she'd love a glass (or two, or three, or the bottle) – anything to numb the pain she was feeling. But she wasn't going to drink. Not even a sip. Willa wasn't able to numb the pain that she was feeling, so Addison didn't feel right drinking.

"Dinner's ready," Derek said, as cheerfully as he could; and he watched as his wife and daughter joined him at the kitchen table. He put a slice of pizza on Willa's plate and Addison's plate before serving himself, but he quickly realized that he had no appetite.

He looked at Addison, and the two of them exchanged a pain-filled glance, as each struggled to come up with some type of conversation starter because, 'What did you do in school today, Willa?' wasn't exactly an option.

"Willa, eat your pizza," Addison encouraged when she noticed that her daughter hadn't touched her dinner.

Willa shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

Addison nodded sympathetically, as she stared down at her own untouched pizza. "I know. But why don't we all try to eat a little pizza?"

"I guess," Willa shrugged.

Derek glanced at Addison, and the two shared a look of understanding. They knew that if they were going to succeed in getting their daughter to eat something, they'd have to lead by example.

"You know, Willa," Derek began, as he picked up his slice of pizza, "I took Mommy out for pizza on our very first date."

"Really?" Willa asked, looking to her mother for confirmation.

"Really," Addison nodded. "Back when we lived in New York."

Willa bit her lip in contemplation. "That's not very romantic."

Derek chuckled at his daughter's criticism.

"But I guess New York pizza is better than Seattle pizza," Willa continued, well used to hearing her mother, father, and Uncle Mark criticize Seattle pizza.

"It is," Addison agreed. "You've had New York pizza."

"I know," Willa nodded. "I like it better."

And Derek felt the knots in his stomach loosen as he watched Willa and Addison. Both were finally eating their pizza. And he felt a slight smile grace his lips as he watched them. For as long as he'd known Addison, she'd eaten her pizza crust first, claiming that it was her way of rebelling against her parents, who had always insisted that she eat pizza with a knife and fork, when she was growing up. Derek had always found the quirk endearing; she was the only person he'd ever known who ate her pizza that way. Until Willa came along. And as he watched Willa and Addison pick at the crusts of their pizza, Derek couldn't help thinking about how much Willa was like Addison, and how grateful he was for that.

Forty minutes later, pizza eaten, Derek, Addison, and Willa were curled up together on their living room couch, watching The Little Mermaid – Willa's all-time favorite movie.

"Are you okay?" Derek whispered when he felt his wife shift against him.

"Yeah," Addison nodded. "I, uh, I just need a minute." She carefully stood up from the couch. "Stay with her, Derek?" she asked vulnerably, gesturing towards Willa, who was falling asleep against her father.

"I'm not going anywhere," Derek promised, wrapping a protective arm around his daughter. "Are you sure you don't need me?"

Addison shook her head. "Stay with Willa. I'll be right back."

"Okay," Derek nodded, watching his wife's retreating form.

Addison left the living room, and quickly made her way up the stairs with the intention of heading to her bedroom. She didn't want to break down in front of Willa, and growing up, she'd been trained only to cry in the privacy of her own room…it was a habit that, even as an adult, she hadn't quite broken.

She began making her way towards her bedroom, when something in Willa's bathroom caught her eye.

_Panties_.

Addison didn't exactly have the best track record when it came to finding other women's panties. But this was nothing like the first time. These panties weren't black or adulterous. They were tiny and they were lavender. And they were bloody.

These panties didn't belong to her husband's former lover. These panties weren't the panties that Derek had thoughtlessly or vindictively left in the pocket of his tux, several years ago, quite possibly with the intention – at least on some level – of hurting her. No, these panties were much worse. These panties belonged to her seven-year-old daughter. These panties were visible proof that Willa was being sexually abused.

She felt the vomit rising in her throat, just like the first time. Her body felt cold and numb and shaky, just like the first time. But this time was different. This time she had no plans of vindictively pinning the panties she'd found up on the hospital's 'Lost and Found' board. Because these panties didn't signify adultery or sneaking around or a complete disregard for her marriage and feelings. These panties signified something worse…something that not even the cruelest person could justify pinning up on some bulletin board for all the hospital to see. These panties signified a child being hurt – _her_ child being hurt. And these panties were a cruel reminder of the fact that it had taken her far too long to step in and stop it.

This time was different. This time she had no intention of drowning her pain in martinis. Last time warranted that. But not this time. Last time paled in comparison to this. This time was so much worse, and so very different. Because this time, her tear ducts weren't too proud to cry. And as the tears began streaming down Addison's cheeks, she knew she wasn't going to be able to make it to her bedroom. So she shakily sat down on the cold bathroom tile, still clutching the panties in her hand, staring at them disbelievingly. Just like last time…and yet nothing like last time.

She didn't know how long she'd been sitting there, when Derek entered the bathroom, his eyes immediately falling on the tiny, lavender panties in his wife's hands.

"Addison," he choked out hoarsely. He wished he could have been the one to find Willa's bloody panties. Addison had already found enough panties for one lifetime; she didn't need this.

"Where's Willa?" Addison breathed.

"In her bedroom. She fell asleep a while ago, so I carried her up to bed."

Addison nodded, and Derek sat down next to her on the bathroom floor.

Addison sighed heavily, tears blurring her vision. "How could I have let this happen to her Derek?"

"Addison, this isn't your fault," Derek choked out, struggling to come to grips the guilt that he was feeling about what had happened to Willa. "I…I should have known something was wrong. I should have read the signs better."

"But I'm her mom."

"And I'm her dad."

Addison shook her head sadly. "How could something like this have happened?"

"I don't know," Derek admitted, his eyes welling up with tears, as he continued to stare at the panties in his wife's hands.

"I'm a terrible mother, Derek."

"No," Derek insisted hoarsely. "That's not true. That's not even remotely true, Addison." He met his wife's eyes. "You know what I kept thinking about tonight?"

Addison shook her head. "No. What?"

"I kept thinking about how glad I am that Willa's more like you than me."

"Derek."

"No, Addison. Seriously. When I was watching you and Willa eat your pizza tonight…in that ridiculous way that only you two eat your pizza, I kept thinking about how grateful I am that she's so much like you…because…because that might actually give her a fighting chance of getting through all this."

Addison shook her head sadly, unconvinced.

"I have a history of running from my problems," Derek continued. "Avoiding them or completely shutting down, until I do something stupid. But you don't run, and you don't avoid. And Willa…she's not going to be able to run from this or avoid it. So, I'm glad that she's like you in that respect…and not like me."

"Derek," Addison whispered, inching herself closer to her husband, and resting her head against his chest. "She has a lot of your good qualities too."

"I…um…" he trailed off; but before he could say more, he heard frightened, tearful screams coming from Willa's room.

"Mommy…Mommy…Mommy…"

And just like that, he and Addison were springing up off the bathroom floor and rushing into Willa's bedroom as quickly as their legs could carry them.

"I'm here, Willa," Addison said soothingly, as she wrapped her arms around her sobbing daughter. "It's okay, Daddy and I are here." She met her daughter's tear-filled eyes and swallowed hard at the feeling of Willa's tiny body trembling in her arms.

"He was coming for Colette," Willa choked out tearfully, gasping for air. "Because I told you, and I…I wasn't supposed to. And he was gonna hurt Colette."

Addison swallowed thickly, holding Willa closer and pressing a kiss to her temple, as Willa continued to cry hysterically. "It's okay," Addison soothed. "It was just a bad dream. Mr. Russell isn't going to hurt you…or Colette…or anyone."

"I…I shouldn't have told," Willa insisted, as tears continued to stream down her face.

"No, you did the right thing by telling Mommy," Derek reassured his daughter, as he joined Willa and Addison on Willa's bed. "And we're both very happy that you said something."

Willa looked at her mother uncertainly, as she did her best to fight for composure.

"You did the right thing," Addison soothed as she continued to cuddle Willa close. "And I promise no one's going to hurt you, or Carter or Colette, or anyone else that you love."

Willa nodded slowly, but Addison could tell that her daughter wasn't fully comforted.

"Sweetheart, do you want to sleep in my and Daddy's room tonight?" she asked, meeting her daughter's tear-filled eyes.

"Uh-huh," Willa whimpered, still trembling in her mother's arms, beads of cold sweat forming around her hairline.

"Okay," Addison nodded, as she lifted her daughter up off her bed, swallowing hard at how little and fragile her seven-year-old felt in her arms.

"Coco," Willa sniffled, reaching out towards the chocolate-colored teddy bear that was still lying on her bed.

"I've got her," Derek reassured his daughter, as he reached down and picked up Willa's favorite teddy bear – Coco Chanel.

Twenty minutes later, Addison and Derek were sitting up in their bed, watching Willa, who was fast asleep in between them, clutching Coco tightly.

"She's going to get through this, right?" Addison asked her husband fearfully. "She has to."

Derek swallowed hard. As much as he wanted to reassure his wife that everything was going to be okay, and that Willa would return to being the fun-loving, carefree little girl that she once was, he didn't know if that would be the case.

"I'll call her psychiatrist tomorrow," Addison continued.

Derek nodded mutely, as he gently ran his hand through his daughter's dark brown hair, being careful not to wake her.

"She'll get through this," Addison said, as confidently as she could, doing her best to reassure both herself and her husband. "She has to."

"She will," Derek nodded, doing his best to adopt Addison's forced optimism.

"You know," Addison began, "I wasn't lying before when I said that Willa has a lot of your qualities too. She's smart, and she's charming, and she's thoughtful. And you haven't run from your problems or shut down in a long time, Derek. That's not who you are anymore."

Derek smiled at his wife warmly. "Thanks, Addison." He looked from his daughter to his wife, and smiled. "But even so, I'm still glad that she's so much like you."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thank you for the feedback on the last chapter! I hope you like this chapter. And, as always, thanks so much for reading!

* * *

'_Cause even if you're wrong,  
__I'll stand by you._

Addison leaned against her husband as they sat together on the couch in the reception area of Willa's psychiatrist's office.

Addison looked up at Derek wearily, and took in the look of exhaustion in his eyes. She knew her own eyes probably looked just as tired. Even though Willa had slept through the night (after waking up the first time), she and Derek couldn't do the same.

"I hope she talks to her therapist," Addison said quietly. "I hope she lets her therapist help her."

Derek nodded in agreement, as he gently stroked his wife's hair. He knew that during all of Willa's previous appointments she had just sat there and spent the entire hour staring blankly at her therapist, ignoring the questions being asked of her. But Willa had let Addison in and she had let him in, and she had let Hannah in; so Derek seriously hoped that she'd let her therapist in as well.

He didn't know how long he and Addison had been sitting there when the door to Willa's therapist's office opened, and Willa and her therapist came walking out.

Addison and Derek immediately stood up, and both eyed Willa's therapist, Dr. Lila Hamilton questioningly.

"We should talk privately," Dr. Hamilton began lightly.

Addison nodded. "Derek, why don't you hang out with Willa here, and I'll talk to Dr. Hamilton."

"Okay," Derek agreed. He turned to his daughter. "Hey, Willa, do you feel like getting some juju from the coffee cart?"

"Okay," Willa said quietly, taking her father's extended hand.

Addison watched her husband and her daughter for a moment before following Dr. Hamilton into her office.

"Thank you for squeezing Willa in on such short notice," Addison began, as she sat down across from Dr. Hamilton.

"You don't need to thank me for that," Dr. Hamilton insisted. "I, uh, I just…before we begin, I just want to tell you how sorry I am. As a parent, I couldn't even imagine-"

"So, Willa spoke to you?" Addison cut in, before Dr. Hamilton could continue to tell her how horribly she felt about what had happened. Addison didn't need that. What she needed was for her daughter to be okay.

"She did speak to me," Dr. Hamilton nodded.

"And…?" Addison trailed off.

"She has a lot to work through," Dr. Hamilton said gently. "But I honestly believe that she's going to get through this and be okay."

Addison nodded. "What can I do to help her be okay?"

"Right now, I'd look for triggers."

"Triggers?" Addison asked in confusion.

Dr. Hamilton nodded. "Yes. Get a sense of what makes Willa upset…what brings on bad memories…things that she associates with being sexually abused."

Addison nodded mutely.

"From what I've gathered, from speaking to Willa," Dr. Hamilton continued, "she has negative associations with things like nail polish, nice clothing, and sparkly stickers."

Addison nodded sadly. All the things that Willa had once loved. All the things that made Willa Willa.

"But she'll like these things again, right?" Addison asked worriedly.

"I don't know," Dr. Hamilton admitted. "I'm hopeful. But I can't make you any promises."

Addison shook her head sadly before meeting Dr. Hamilton's eyes. "Thank you for your help," she said genuinely.

"You're welcome," Dr. Hamilton nodded.

"Anyway," Addison continued. "I should probably go. I really need to be with my daughter and my husband right now."

"Okay," Dr. Hamilton agreed. And Addison got up to walk away.

"Dr. Shepherd," Dr. Hamilton's voice rang out, just as Addison had reached the door.

She turned and met Dr. Hamilton's eyes. "Yes?"

"Willa's strong. She's a little fighter. And it might not be easy, but in my professional opinion, she's going to get through this."

Addison swallowed hard, fighting back the tears that were stinging her eyes. "Thank you," she breathed. "You don't know how much I needed to hear that."

xxxxx

"So, are you ready?" Mark asked as he joined Lexie by the nurses' station. He and Lexie had both taken half days at work so that they could go nursery shopping together later in the day.

"Honestly…" Lexie trailed off, "I'm not really in the mood to go nursery shopping today."

Mark breathed a sigh of relief. "You don't know how happy I am to hear you say that," he admitted. "Because my heart isn't in it either."

Lexie nodded understandingly. "I'm still not done processing what happened to Willa."

"I'm not either," Mark agreed. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to fully process it."

Lexie nodded mutely. "So," she began. "You and I are both off work. What should we do with the rest of our day?"

Mark ran a hand through his hair in thought. "You know," he started. "Carter and Colette are in the hospital's daycare center right now. We could go hang out with them."

"I like that idea," Lexie smiled. She extended her hand to Mark, and he quickly took it; and, hand and hand, they made their way towards the hospital daycare.

They were almost there when they ran into Alex and Izzie, who also seemed to be making their way towards the hospital daycare.

"Are you guys going to see Wyatt?" Lexie asked Alex and Izzie knowingly.

"Yeah," Izzie nodded. "And Carter and Colette. How about you guys. Aren't you supposed to be shopping for Baby Sloan's nursery today?"

"Change of plans," Mark explained. "We decided that right now it's more important to be there for Addison, Derek, and the kids."

Alex nodded in agreement; and the four of them made their way to the hospital daycare to see Carter, Colette, and Wyatt.

But when they arrived, they found that the kids already had a visitor. Hannah was in the hospital daycare center, sitting with Colette on her lap, while Wyatt and Carter spoke to her animatedly.

"Hannah," Izzie breathed, truly touched by how wonderful her daughter was with Wyatt, Carter, and Colette.

"Oh, hi," Hannah said, looking up in surprise. "I hope it's okay that I'm here," she began hesitantly. "I just…I wanted to make sure that everyone was okay."

"Of course it's okay that you're here," Izzie smiled. "Thank you for being here."

"Mommy," Wyatt smiled. "Hannah came here to play with us."

Izzie chuckled. "That's pretty cool, isn't it?"

"Yup," Wyatt grinned, as Hannah placed Colette in Alex's extended arms.

Mark reached down and picked up Carter, cuddling his nephew close. And Carter looked his uncle in the eye and asked the question that no one felt prepared to answer. "Where's Mommy, Daddy, and Willa?"

"I, uh…" Mark stammered. "Uh…"

"Mommy and Daddy will stop by to see you in a little while," Lexie reassured her nephew. She knew that Addison and Derek were in the hospital with Willa for Willa's therapy session; and she knew that there was no way that they'd leave without seeing Carter and Colette first.

"How about Willa?" Carter asked.

"I…um…" Lexie stammered.

"Willa might not stop by today," Alex told Carter lightly. "But I'm sure she misses you and Colette very much."

"Is Willa still sad?" Colette asked innocently.

The adults exchanged a nervous glance at that; the questions that Carter and Colette were asking were becoming more and more difficult to answer.

"You know," Hannah cut in, "I think Willa still might be a little sad. How about we draw her a picture to help make her feel better?"

Colette nodded her head in approval. "Okay," she agreed. "And you draw too?" she asked, looking at Hannah hopefully.

"Sure," Hannah smiled. "I'll draw too."

"And Uncle Mark and Aunt Lexie and Aunt Izzie and Uncle Alex?" Carter asked, looking up at his aunts and uncles. "You draw too?"

"Yeah," Mark nodded. "We'll draw too." Sure, he technically hated drawing. Even as a child, he'd hated it. But this was for Willa…for the Shepherds…for his family. And there was very little he wouldn't do for family.

"You can use the purple crayon, Uncle Mark," Colette offered, passing him the lavender crayon in her hand.

"Thank you, Colette," Mark smiled. He swallowed thickly. He hoped more than anything that Willa would be able to get through this nightmare. And while there was very little about Willa's situation for him to take comfort in, he knew as he watched his friends color together, that Willa had a support system – a strong support system – who would do everything in their power to make sure that she'd be okay.

xxxxx

The weekend had come, and Addison and Derek thought it would be a good idea for them to do something with their kids outside of the house. So, they settled on taking the kids to their health club's indoor pool, since all three of their kids liked swimming.

"Hey, Willa, do you need any help getting ready?" Addison asked, as she lightly tapped on the door to Willa's bedroom.

"No."

"Can I come in?"

"Yes."

Addison gently pushed open the door to find her daughter standing in front of her full-length mirror in a little turquoise, ruffle bandeau two-piece swimsuit, eyeing her appearance critically.

Addison knew Willa looked adorable; there was no denying that. But she had also become cautious about complimenting Willa's clothes or appearance, since it was very reminiscent of what Mr. Russell would say and do before he would touch Willa. And even though Willa clearly knew that her mother _wasn't_ Mr. Russell, Addison still thought it would be best to tread lightly.

"Pretty swimsuit, Willa," Colette complimented, as she joined her mother and sister in Willa's room, clad in a tiny black and white polka-dot bikini.

"Thanks, Colette," Willa smiled; and Addison breathed a sigh of relief at how easily Willa had taken her sister's compliment.

"I wish I had a scar on my tummy," Colette continued, as she joined Willa in front of the mirror. "'Cause you and Mommy both have one, and I want one too."

And just like that, Willa's temperament changed. Her face clouded over and her body stiffened.

"Don't say that," she told her sister harshly. "Don't _ever_ say that."

"But I…" Colette whimpered, tears springing to her eyes. "I…"

"Okay," Addison cut in gently. "It's okay." She turned to Colette. "Sweetheart, why don't you see if you can find Daddy and Carter, and tell them that we're almost ready to go. Can you do that?"

Colette nodded, still fighting back tears.

"Thank you, Colette," Addison said softly, pressing a kiss to her daughter's temple.

She waited for Colette to leave the room before turning to Willa, the words of Willa's therapist clearly sounding in her head – _Look for triggers. Find out what's making her upset._

"I shouldn't have gotten mad at her," Willa said quietly...apologetically.

Addison swallowed hard. "Willa…did Mr. Russell…did he touch your appendix scar? Or say something about it?"

Willa hesitated for a moment before meeting her mother's eyes. "He really liked it," she began shakily. "He'd always touch it."

"Willa," Addison choked out, pulling her daughter into a hug.

Willa shrugged, and stepped out of her mother's embrace. "I used to like my scar too," she said, studying her reflection in the mirror again, her eyes focused on the appendix scar on her right side. "Daddy said it showed how brave I was. But now…" she trailed off. "Now I don't really like it."

Addison nodded sympathetically, as she sat down on Willa's bed and motioned for her daughter to join her. She had similar feelings about her c-section scar. It was a badge of honor; and the thought of some creepy man sexualizing it made her sick.

"You know what I think of when I think about your appendix scar?" she asked her daughter.

Willa shook her head. "No. What?"

"I think about how happy I am that your scar is there. Because before you had that scar, you were in so much pain…because your appendix needed to come out. And it made me and Daddy sad to see you hurting so much. But once you had the scar, it meant you weren't hurting anymore, and that you were healing."

Willa nodded as she let her mother's words sink in. "I'm still hurting," she confessed after a minute. "Not my appendix…but the other thing…with Mr. Russell…and everything he did to me. That still hurts."

"I know," Addison said gently, as she stroked her daughter's hair. "And, unfortunately, that hurt's going to take longer to go away."

"Oh."

"But eventually you'll begin to feel better."

"But I won't have a scar, right?"

"You will," Addison said softly. "You just won't be able to see it. But it'll be there."

"How do you know all this, Mommy?"

Addison chuckled. "You learn these types of things when you become a grownup."

"Oh," Willa nodded. "I guess that makes sense."

"Yeah," Addison agreed, wrapping an arm around her daughter. She sighed heavily. What she had just told her daughter was only a half-truth. Yes, part of being an adult meant acquiring inner scars. But that came with having adult experiences – failed relationships, personal and professional disappointments, heartbreak.

But Willa was still a kid – a kid who shouldn't have any painful inner scars yet. But she did. And so Addison sat there holding her daughter, her sweet, little daughter, who unfortunately had no choice but to grow up faster than most kids her age.

"Mommy," Willa said, ripping Addison from her thoughts. "I don't want to go swimming today."

Addison looked at her daughter sympathetically, wondering just how much their conversation had taken out of Willa. "That's okay," she reassured. "We can stay home."

"No," Willa said, shaking her head. "That's not what I meant. I still want to go to the pool. I just don't want to go swimming…because I don't want to get my hair wet and chloriney. Is that okay?"

Addison smiled widely. There was no denying that Willa was a girl after her own heart.

"Of course it's okay," Addison smiled, pressing a kiss to her daughter's temple. "And now that you mention it, I don't feel like getting my hair wet and chloriney either."

Willa smiled. "Wanna sit on the side with me."

"Yeah," Addison nodded, holding Willa close. "Right now, I can't think of anything else I'd rather do."

xxxxx

"Our cell phones are both on, so if there's a problem, just call one of us," Addison began, as she paced back and forth in the kitchen. "And the kids have been fed, but there's plenty of food in the refrigerator if someone gets hungry. And-"

"Addison," Mark cut in. "I've got it all under control. I think I can watch your kids for a couple of hours. And if there's trouble, I have Lexie, Alex, and Izzie here to help me. Trust me, your kids are in good hands."

Addison sighed. "Yeah, I know. I guess I'm just a little nervous."

"Which is perfectly understandable," Mark reassured.

Mark wasn't wrong. Addison had every right to be nervous. She and Derek were finally getting to do something they'd been wanting to do for several days now – they were going down to the Seattle jail and meeting Willa's teacher face to face.

"Hey," Derek said, as he entered the kitchen, and wrapped a reassuring arm around his wife's waist. "Are you ready to go?"

Addison nodded. "Yeah. I guess so."

"Okay," Derek said gently, taking Addison's hand in his and squeezing it comfortingly. He turned his attention to Mark. "Thanks again for watching the kids while we do this."

"Of course," Mark nodded, as he watched his friends trying to silently comfort one another.

"Hey Shepherds…" Mark added, noticing the matching anxious expressions on Addison and Derek's faces.

Derek turned towards his friend. "Yes?"

Mark offered his friends a comforting smile. "Give the bastard hell."

Forty-five minutes later, Addison and Derek, were being led into a room in the prison where they would be able to talk to Mr. Russell…or actually, to Kyle Smith, because that was Mr. Russell's real name.

"I was wondering when I'd see you two," Kyle began with a snide smile.

"We've been busy," Derek muttered. "Trying to clean up the mess that you've created."

"Hey, now, let's not be so accusatory," Kyle said smoothly. "I'm a teacher…well, technically, I'm not licensed. But it's not my fault your overpriced private school couldn't tell the difference. But the point is that I just want what's best for Willa."

"You what?" Addison choked out. "How is sexually abusing Willa what's best for her?"

"Abuse is such a touchy term," Kyle smirked. "It really wasn't that way."

"Oh, really?" Derek asked, rolling his eyes. "Because based on the blood that we found on Willa's panties and the constant nightmares that she's been having, and all the things that she's told us, it sounds that way to me. It sounds _exactly_ that way."

"And how dare you sit here and act so smug," Addison accused. "You may not realize this, but you very well may have destroyed our daughter's entire life. She may never be able to date or have healthy sexual relationships. She may never recover from this."

"Oh, please, Mrs. Shepherd," Kyle scoffed. "If I were you I'd turn that accusatory finger of yours around. _You_ set Willa up for this."

"What?" Addison breathed in astonishment.

"You heard me. You set your daughter up for this. By dressing her up in those fancy clothes…as though she were a grownup. What did you expect? You were practically prostituting her."

Derek stood abruptly, knocking his chair over. And Addison could tell by the look in her husband's eyes that if she didn't step in front of him, he'd surely punch through the glass that was separating them from Kyle.

"Derek," she warned. Sure, Kyle deserved to have the crap beaten out of him; but Derek didn't need a broken hand. "Derek, he's not worth your surgical career."

"I don't care, Addison," Derek insisted. "I'd gladly give up my career if it meant being able to deck this bastard."

"Derek," Addison warned. "You know I'm right."

Derek sighed heavily and sat back down. He didn't necessarily think his wife was right. But he had to admit, the Seattle jail probably wasn't the best place for him to be getting into a fist fight.

"Well," Kyle smirked, as he watched the Shepherd's interaction, his eyes narrowing in on Addison. "It looks like you're much better at being a wife than you are at being a mother."

"Hey, where the fuck do you get off?" Derek demanded angrily; and Kyle responded with a taunting smile.

"It hurt because it's true," Kyle snickered smugly.

Addison swallowed thickly, Kyle's accusation hitting her like a punch in the face. "Go to hell," she breathed, choking on her words. "Go to hell."

xxxxx

Derek rolled over in his bed, and moved to wrap his arms around his wife, but he quickly realized that she wasn't there. He quickly darted out of his bed, desperate to find Addison. He knew that their meeting with Willa's teacher, earlier that day, had devastated her just as much as it had devastated him (if not more); and if he knew his wife, he knew she was replaying the meeting over and over in her head, letting it eat her up inside.

He found her in the living room, sitting on the couch, her eyes fixed straight ahead, staring blankly into space. And for some reason, he couldn't help thinking about another time, several years ago, when he had walked into the living room to find his wife sitting on the couch, looking pensive (even though the two situations were nothing alike).

"_Addison," Derek called out, as he rushed from his bedroom down the stairs in search of his girlfriend. Lately, Addison had been getting up in the middle of the night more often than not, so her not being there wasn't exactly uncommon. But she was also eight-months-pregnant – just a month away from her due date – and Derek couldn't help but worry whenever he would wake up in the middle of the night to find her not laying next to him in their bed._

"_Addison," he repeated, as he made his way into the living room, sighing in relief when he saw her sitting on the couch, engrossed in a book of babies' names._

_Derek couldn't help groaning inwardly at that. Earlier that day, he and Addison had finally settled on a name for their daughter – Willa Claire Shepherd. And he loved the name. Growing up, he'd never understood it when his sisters would gush about babies' names, and talk about what they wanted to name their own children some day. This type of talk always struck him as silly or pointless. Until he and Addison came up with the name Willa Claire Shepherd for their daughter. Then, suddenly, all of his sisters' gushing and craziness made perfect sense. Because he loved the name Willa. He couldn't imagine him and Addison naming their daughter anything else._

"_Don't tell me you're having second thoughts about the name Willa," Derek said, as he joined Addison on the couch. "Because I like that name."_

_Addison turned to her husband and smiled. "I like the name too," she agreed. "I just…I couldn't sleep, so I wandered down here, and began flipping through this," she said, gesturing to the thick book in her hand._

_She met Derek's eyes and smiled. "I was looking up the meaning of the name Willa. It means protector."_

_Derek's eyes softened. "Really?"_

_Addison nodded._

"_I love that," Derek admitted._

"_I do too," Addison agreed._

_Derek smiled in relief, glad that Addison wasn't thinking about a last minute name change for their daughter. He had loved the name Willa before; and now that he knew the name's meaning, he loved it even more._

"_So, you're still set on the name Willa Claire?" Derek asked, needing to hear Addison confirm it. "Because I love it."_

"_Yeah," Addison smiled. "I think it's perfect for her."_

"Derek, what are you doing down here?" Addison asked, ripping Derek from his thoughts.

"Oh, I, I couldn't sleep," Derek stammered. "And I saw that you weren't in our bed…so I…I figured you were down here." He looked at his wife closely, taking in the look of distraught on her tear-stained face. "Are you okay?"

"Do you think Willa's teacher was right today?" Addison asked, deliberately avoiding Derek's question. "Is it my fault that this happened to her?"

"What? Addison, no," Derek insisted, sitting down on the couch next to his wife, and wrapping an arm around her. "You know as well as I do that there's not an ounce of truth in anything that came out of that bastard's mouth this afternoon."

Addison shook her head sadly. "I don't know. Maybe it is my fault."

"No," Derek repeated, shaking his head adamantly. "You know that's not true."

"But I'm the one who helps her pick out her outfits. And I was the one who took her to get her nails done."

"It doesn't matter Addison. What happened to Willa wasn't your fault. I mean, you would never say that a woman who got raped was asking for it based on what she was wearing, would you?"

Addison rolled her eyes. "Honey, you know I'd never say that."

"Exactly. This is the same thing, and you know it. You just won't let yourself see it because…because it's easier for you to blame yourself than it is to accept that something happened to our daughter that was out of your control."

"Exactly, Derek," Addison choked out tearfully. "It was out of my control and it _shouldn't_ have been out of my control. I'm her mother. I'm supposed to protect her. And I didn't. I mean, you know better than anyone that one of the reasons that I like Willa's name so much is because of it's meaning…protector. And I couldn't do that for her. I couldn't protect her." She swallowed hard, as she wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "Her teacher was right, Derek. I'm a terrible mother."

"Addison," Derek breathed, tears stinging his eyes. "Honey, you've never been more wrong about anything in your entire life…because nothing could be farther from the truth."

Addison looked at her husband skeptically.

"I'm right," Derek insisted. "You know I'm right. _You_ were the one that Willa wanted when she was finally ready to talk about what her teacher had been doing to her. She wanted _you_." He met his wife's eyes. "You're an amazing mother, Addison," he said sincerely.

Addison shrugged, unconvinced, as she choked back a sob. "Sometimes it doesn't feel that way."

"You're an amazing mother, Addie," Derek repeated, holding his wife close. "Are you really going to believe Willa's teacher, who you barely know? Or are you going to believe your husband…who knows you better than anyone…who you've spent over a third of your life with. Addison, you know I'm right about this."

Addison nodded, letting her husband's words sink in.

"I still feel guilty," she admitted.

"I know," Derek nodded. "I do too. But you have to believe me when I tell you that Willa is so lucky to have you."

Addison gave her husband a slight smile. "Now you're the one who's wrong, Derek."

"What?" Derek asked in confusion. "But I thought-"

"She's lucky to have you too. You're an incredible father, Honey. And you've been so good with her. You'd do anything for her."

Derek nodded, touched by Addison's words. Like her, he still felt incredibly guilty about what had happened to Willa, and he still blamed himself for not being able to stop it sooner; so hearing his wife's compliments were comforting.

"You know," Derek said, after a moment. "I think she'll get through this. I think we all will."

"Really?" Addison asked hopefully, gently stroking Derek's bicep, as he continued to hold her.

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "I think we will."

Addison leaned in and kissed her husband softly. "I really hope you're right."

"Yeah," Derek agreed, wrapping his arms around his wife again. "Me too."

Addison sighed heavily as Derek continued to hold her. She had to admit that meeting Willa's teacher earlier in the day, and seeing just how horrible he actually was, made her worry that Willa – and their family – might never be able to get through everything that had happened. And that, coupled with Willa's frequent nightmares, made Addison wonder if things would ever get back to normal.

But, for this brief moment, everything felt okay. Willa was sleeping soundly. Derek was optimistic about their future. And even though she was still working through her own guilt, it was nice to have Derek's arms wrapped around her. It was nice to be Addison-and-Derek: the unbreakable team, who stood by each other and their family, no matter what.

Sure, things weren't perfect – not even close. But as she sat there, wrapped in her husband's arms, she thought that maybe there was hope. Maybe there could be a light at the end of this long, dark, hellish tunnel after all.


End file.
